You Are Beautiful

At camp this summer Autumn gave her testimony. I wrote her this poem as a symbol of her testimony for years to come.

You are beautiful Lord
When all I can see is darkness
You are beautiful Lord
When I am drowning at sea.
You are beautiful Lord
When I can't see right in front of me.
You are beautiful Lord
When all I know is suffering
You are beautiful Lord
When I push against you
You are beautiful Lord
When hatred fills my heart
You are beautiful Lord
When I just can't let go
You are beautiful Lord
When my tears start to flow
You are beautiful Lord
When I open up my heart
You are beautiful Lord
When I finally let go
You are beautiful Lord
When I learn how to stand
You are beautiful Lord
When I find my voice
You are beautiful Lord
When I share your love
You are beautiful Lord
When you heal my wounds
You are beautiful Lord
Through it all, it never fails
You are beautiful Lord.

25 for Your 25th

Today is Adam's Birthday. So I thought  I would write a special blog for him. So here are 25 reasons I love him! And don't worry honey I'm not sitting here with the book I gave you for your wedding present. These are the 25 reasons that come to mind right now!


25. You make me laugh. This may seem small or trivial, but for this serious person, it is very important.

24. You love Autumn. And you have stepped up to show her that not every man in her life wants to hurt her, and that is so incredibly important.

23. You love my family. Even though my mother takes too many pictures for your liking, you love them. And you interact with them like your own!

22. You gave me a new family. Family is very important to me and you have just given me more! :)

21. You love my job! In a deeper way than I ever could have asked for. You have connected with this church and the youth. They want you around and you want to be around.

20. You have convinced me that dogs are not all scary and you made me fall in love with this one!

19. You love all animals, in a way I will never understand. But I have a better appreciation for them because of you. 

18. You remind me constantly to simplify. There is no need for too many options.

17. You're a nerd! You understand my nerdiness and you are never ashamed of yours!

16. You work hard! You are willing to work overtime and push through it even when you're exhausted.

15. You play hard too! You constantly remind me that it is ok to just spend some time not working.

14. You have joined our Praise Team at Church.

13. You can sing! And you do, all the time! I find great joy in hearing you sing!

12. You pray! You pray for our life together, the things we have going on, it doesn't matter because you pray!

11. You hold me!

10. You understand my soul!

9. Performing Arts Camp. I love it even more because its something you love too.

8. You are totally excited about being a daddy!

7. You like what I cook, most of the time! :)

6. You show a real interest in how I spend my day.

5. You love Camp Horizon almost as much as I do! Which means you never think twice when I'm going to be gone for a week at camp!

4. You know how to relax and you are continuously teaching me how.

3. Your relationship with God is important to you.

2. You changed my last name!

1. You made me a mother! First with Ranger and now with Baby Utt.

I love you for all these reasons and so many more! Happy Birthday my Love!

Best Friend Brag

So I just want to take a moment and brag on my best friend. I seriously was given the best of the best. It doesn't matter what she has going on in her life she always has time for me and what I have going on. We have been best friends long enough that we have seen each other through some crazy times. 7 years in anyone's life is going to be a roller coaster. We have been blessed to get to do these past 7 years side by side albeit miles apart.

This past year for her has been a particularly rocky one. Her mother was diagnosed with Myelodysplastic Syndrome and had to have a Bone Marrow transplant towards the end of November. Well the transplant was successful and so was the 100 day incubation period or whatever they call it. But after a few weeks at home LaDonna had to go back to the hospital. It has been a roller coaster ever since. Well today on their 31st Wedding Anniversary, she is moving to Hospice Care in Wichita.

I had what I'm going to call the honor, of being next to Nicole when she got the call that this move was happening. And it is incredibly hard to watch someone you love fall apart. Nicole and I are both cut from an emotional cloth so we get the pleasure of being there when each other fall apart a lot, but this one was different.

I can't even begin to imagine what is going on in her mind, and no one really wants to think about losing their parents at a young age.

The craziest part for me is the fact that her world is falling apart and yet she still asks me how I'm doing, and cares enough that she wants me to be truthful when I answer. Her world has been a complete roller coaster this past year, and she still somehow managed to be the best Maid of Honor ever and made sure I felt nothing but special on my wedding day. She rejoiced with me when I told her we were pregnant. She held my hand, and drove me to the doctor's appointment to find out if we were miscarrying or not. She has been here every step of the way as we entered parenthood with a 17 year old, and is often my first phone call when I'm frustrated about something with the system.

She has gone through all of these trials with a lot grace and compassion. She hasn't slacked on her job as a Social Worker and I swear she is probably the best one in the state. She definitely works harder than most.

I just thought the world should know that I happen to have the best friend in the world. On the day her mother is moving to hospice care, she cared that I was nauseous this morning. She is one of the strongest most amazing women that I have been blessed to meet in my life, and I am extra blessed to call her my sister and my friend.

I love you Nicole! I don't know how you do what you do, but keep doing it, the world is much better for it!

I absolutely love the top picture. And days like today require a little fishy face!

PS. Nicole, this all came to my mind while eating your cucumber!:P