Keep Smiling My Love

Adah,
 I pray that you never lose this smile. The pure joy I see in your face is all the fuel I need to go about my day. I pray this harsh world will never take the light from you. You bring joy to everyone who sees you and I pray that is always true. I don't know who you will become in your lifetime, but I pray you never lose this pure happy spirit you have now.

Oh the lives you will change, if you never lose sight of the little girl I'm holding right now. If you can keep sight of the simplicity of life as you now know it.

I pray you will always have ambition, joy, love, and understanding. I pray that God will protect you and hold you when I cannot. This world is dark but you were born in love! The world needs your smile, and I pray you never lose it. Keep smiling my love!

Love, 

Mommy

Good To Be Alive

Today is my 27th Birthday!

    That seems crazy. The last year has been a whirlwind to say the least. I remember the night before my birthday last year Adam and I had our biggest fight ever about his job at the jail and how much he hated it. I remember finally caving and letting him put in his 3 week notice at work, even though he didn't have a another job to go to. I remember feeling sick all day on my birthday with the stress of everything we had going, we had just gotten back from a mission trip and we were supposed to be moving that week and my husband was so depressed. A year later we have moved yet again, we have a three month old beautiful baby girl, Adam has a job he doesn't hate and we are happy.

     The ways that God has worked in our lives this past year have been incredible. Every time I look at my sweet little girl's smile I can't believe this is the life I have been blessed with. I have a job that I not only love but it allows me to keep my daughter with me and experience everything there is to experience in the first few months of parenthood. We have been through some crazy experiences this past year and I know without a doubt that there is no place I would rather do life than here, and no one I would rather do life with that Adam. Birthdays will always mean something different to me from now on because 39 weeks and 2 days (or 9 months) after my birthday last year we became parents!

This song is everything I'm thinking today!

Good to be Alive by Jason Gray

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again

As I sit in my office this beautiful Tuesday morning, I found myself listening to K-LOVE, like I normally do. I just laid my daughter down for a nap and started some Bible Study. Then "Tell Your Heart to Beat Again" by Danny Gokey came on the radio and even though I have heard it many times, for the first time it felt applicable to life. It was as if he was singing to this community of Hesston. We walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death last week. But the sun came up this morning, we cheered our high school boys to another Swather Basketball victory last night. Today I drove to work without seeing a news vehicle. Yes, Excel is still closed, and there are hospital beds that are still full, and funeral arrangements still being made, but the sun came up today.

Today starts a new month and with this month will come a lot of healing. We have to remind ourselves that it is ok to live our lives, if our hearts are still beating and our minds still working, we have a job to do. We can't let fear and guilt strap us down. I believe the three beautiful souls that left us last week wouldn't want this town to feel guilty for moving on. We must tell our hearts to beat again. Even though we are still processing this in a lot of ways, we still have to go about our lives. Our children need a sense of normalcy. The true way for us to be #HesstonStrong is keep living. Let's let today be the beginning of the rest of our lives. We may never get back to who we were before, but we shouldn't, this should change us, but change us for the better not worse. Today we get a new beginning, we get to keep moving forward. Hesston, it is time to tell your heart to beat again, we don't have to live in the fear, guilt, and pain, of this past week, God is offering us the grace and mercy to move forward. We get to leave the shadow of last week and walk in the light. God is calling us to strand strong, and to move like we have never done before. We have the opportunity to stand on grace and share God's love with each other and the world. We get to heal, we get to breathe, we get to be here today! Tell your heart to beat again and enjoy today.

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again - Danny Gokey

Broken like you've never been before

The life you knew in a thousand pieces on the floor

Words fall short in times like these

When this world drives you to your knees

You think you're never going to get back to the you you used to be.

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace

Yesterdays a closing door you don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

Tell your heart to beat again

Beginning just let that word wash over you

It's alright now, love's healing hands will pull you through

So take one step, look back up

See the rise and feel the sun

Because your stories far from over and your journey's just begun

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace

Yesterdays a closing door you don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

Tell your heart to beat again

Let every heartbreak and every scar

Be a picture to remind you, who has carried you this far

'Cause love sees farther than you ever could

This moment He is working everything out for your good

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breathe it in

Let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace

Yesterdays a closing door you don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

Tell your heart to beat again

Your heart to beat again

#HesstonStrong

This morning you can feel it in the air, the entire atmosphere has changed. The easy going, lighthearted feel of this community is gone. Our safe little town was attacked yesterday, it is as if the entire town is in shock. As the day has moved on the shock is turning into the entire gamut of emotions. When tragedy like this strikes it is so easy to let fear control the way we react. We lock our doors and bunker down, blame the weapons, and cry out to God, "Where were you?"

The truth is God was there, He is always there. He was there with the first responders giving them the strength to go into the unknown, the scary, the unimaginable and do their jobs. He was with all those people as the ran out to safety, He was with the doctors and nurses who received the wounded, and He was definitely with the officer who stopped the madness.

It is easy after an incident like this to start talking about guns and how bad they are, when the truth is that gun violence may have started the incident but it was gun violence that ended it. It isn't a lack of gun control that causes or even makes these incidents possible. Even if there were absolutely no guns in this world there would still be murderous violence. Cain killed Abel with a rock. This isn't a gun issue its a heart issue, its a sin issue.

Today as we try to figure out how to pick up the pieces from yesterday's tragedy we cross denominational lines and we come together as a town committed to community. We spend hours planning a citywide memorial service and figuring out how to help those struggling to cope with what happened. We hit our knees in prayer and supplication for those we love and those directly affected by the hurt from yesterday. We stand behind our Law Enforcement and Emergency Personnel who are working endlessly to protect and serve us. We  continue on with our lives helping each other find peace and comfort in the midst of this storm. Today we are Hesston Strong.

This is more than just a town, this is a community with a heart beat that is so strong people can't stop talking about it. We can't let fear get a foothold in this beautiful town. Yes, "It happened here" but it doesn't have to define us, we may have made the map yesterday but we can stay on that map because of how we respond to this tragedy, not by how we let the tragedy control us. God is still God, and He is still holding us together, we just have to have faith today and every day. Faith is the only way fear will go away, faith is the only way we will sleep at night. I believe that Hesston will come out of this stronger and that God will be more visible than He already was. I've never lived in a town where it was easier to love God than this one, and I think that will only become more true as we move forward from here.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." - Ephesians 6:10-13

It is time to suit up, get on our knees, and lift up our arms in prayer to the one who is in control. Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33.

I pray that the peace that passes all understanding will sweep over this community, we will never understand why this happened, but we can come back to peace knowing that God is still in control. Thank you Lord for your peace! Amen!

The visuals are strong today, the support is quite loud!

For Your Baptism

Dearest Adah Grace,
  I'm writing you this letter a few days early. I'm not sure I will mentally be prepared to do so on Sunday. You're getting baptized this week. This is a big deal. We are officially laying down the path for the rest of your life. You have so many people planning on being here for you for this. You're such a special girl, some of these people have only been to visit us since you have joined the world. You're so worth the drive to all the people who love you.
  I can't believe how fast you are growing. At times it is hard to imagine you as anything but the sweet little infant you are now, but our baby days are numbered. You're already almost two months old and I want to grab time and slow it down. Before I know it you will be running around this church with all the other kids and you will be talking, and playing, and learning all of the lessons life has to teach you. If only I could keep you innocent and safe from the pains of this world. But I can't, you will have to walk through all of the fires of this life just like everyone else. I know my heart will break when yours does and my tears will fall each time you do.
 The only thing I know how to do, my little one, is introduce you to the Creator of the Universe. He is the only one who can truly protect you and hold you through everything. It is my job as your mother to guide you and teach you about God's love. I will only be able to hold your hand for awhile but God will hold your hand for eternity if you learn to love Him. This is why your baptism is so important to me, Daddy and I will be standing up in front of the church committing to leading you to a life filled with God's Grace.
 I know that ultimately the choice is yours, you will have to make a decision to join Christ's family on your own, but until you are old enough to do so, I promise to raise you in this family. I promise to surround you with people who will always love you and guide you in a life of faith. I promise to pray for you, and teach you how to pray. I promise to read you the Bible and explain what it means to you. I promise to be present in your faith journey and constantly deepen my faith in order for you to have a role model to look up to. I promise to bring you to church and make church life a priority, even if it isn't my career. I promise to love you, no matter what. I will love you through the good days and the bad. I will love you as unconditionally as humanly possible.
 Adah Grace you are beautiful, you are loved, you are important, you have a purpose. God will always love you and so will your daddy and I. I pray you never forget just how special you are and that you never stop hearing in your heart just how loved you are.
Love,
Mommy

Holding Daddy's finger during her first church service.

Sleeping on Mommy's lap during her 2nd church service.

Norwex For the Win!

Today I'm super thankful for Norwex. I hate cleaning, I really do. If we had the money I would pay someone else to do it all for me. The only thing I like to do is laundry. I was really hoping that when the mom switch flipped on it would be more enjoyable, no I just actually do it now.

So today I'm thankful for Norwex, this beautiful chemical free product that makes cleaning possible in my life because it makes it easy. I don't have to scrub, dog hair actually comes off the floor, and poop comes out of clothes.

That's right, poop comes out of clothes. Yesterday we had a rough morning. Adah ended up in her third outfit around lunch time because of spit up and two explosive diapers. The 2nd diaper was a complete disaster, she had that sleeper on for about twenty minutes, she was enjoying tummy time and then it was all up her tummy, it was gross. After I changed her I took that cute sleeper she had barely worn once, with its little Froggy feet and sprayed it a ton with spray and wash and let it sit so it was in there good. When I pulled it out of the washer this morning, it was still stained, it was as I hadn't done anything.

Then I remembered I had Norwex laundry supplies. I put the stain remover on and then filed the sink with warm water and half a scoop of Norwex laundry detergent. It soaked for twenty minutes and looks as good as new. See if I forget about my Norwex again.

How do mommies do it without Norwex? I don't even want to know. I think I would just live in a dump if I didn't have Norwex.

I love just adding water!

Gifts for New Parents

I've never really known what to take to a baby shower or to a new family when I go to meet the baby. I knew diapers were what my mother always suggested, but those are boring. Well, I have successfully kept my child alive for a whole month and I have a list of things that are amazing. So if you're like I used to be and don't know what to give new parents check this list out before you're next adventure to a baby shower!

1. Diapers, seriously they may be the most boring gift in the world to open, but for new parents they're like cash. And they disappear about as fast too. So far we love Pampers, Luvs, & Huggies. Parent's Choice Diapers were not our friend. Along with diapers don't forget the wipes, they go crazy fast too.

2. Food! Food, glorious food! I'm not kidding anyone who provided us with food is my favorite. Especially if they cooked it for us, or checked to make sure my picky husband would eat it. Not having to cook or plan what to cook or shop for any amount of meals is the best, especially after a c-section.

3. Snacks! This may seem like it should be with food but it's totally separate. I currently have the appetite and metabolism of a teenage boy. So snack foods are my best friend right now. I have them stashed all over the house so they're in easy reach whenever I need them.

4. Caffeine! I find myself sitting here nursing my beautiful bundle of joy, wishing Sonic delivered. Or even that my coffee pot delivered from the kitchen to the living room. I wish Ranger could pour coffee and bring it to me. (Don't judge me for drinking caffeine and nursing my baby, it doesn't phase her).

5. A cleaning lady! Or a dishes fairy would be nice too. Enough said, I hate doing dishes.

6. Burp Rags! We probably have fifteen, and sometimes they're all dirty, and I do laundry all the time. And my favorite ones are actually old school cloth diapers, they're the most flexible and easy to move around when she decides to project milk all over, and they're large enough to cover your whole chest so when she moves at the last second you aren't left wearing her lunch. I also love the cute ones, we use them all.

7. Diaper Rash Cream! We didn't think about needing it until we needed it, thankfully we had one of every kind that had been gifted to us. We use it a lot and mix up the different kinds.

8. Gripe Water! And anything else you loved when your baby had gas. Another thing you don't know you need until the middle of the night when you need it and when you don't live in the same town as Wal-Mart, it makes for a very long night.

9. Nursing Pads! I didn't know I needed these, but they are an absolute necessity, and they aren't very cheap.

10. Candy! I've seriously been craving candy, and my Christmas supply has long been depleted.

11. Netflix! If they don't have it, get it for them and pay for six months or so. Show marathon's are my thing right now, it's almost like adult conversation!

12. Anything you loved or needed as an new parent. If you loved it, or a parent you know loved it then the new family probably will too. Like the Fisher Price Rock 'n Play. No one told us about this beautiful invention, and after struggling for almost two weeks we bought one and she slept like a queen, then we posted about it on Facebook and every parent I know talked about how it was a lifesaver for their kid too. My exhausted mind wanted to scream where were you all last week? Seriously it was the best $50 we've spent, that we didn't know we needed to spend.

13. Clothes, hand me downs, sale items, or the cutest thing you've ever seen, it doesn't matter clothes get expensive. And when we didn't know for sure we were expecting a girl we didn't get a ton of clothes at the baby showers, so the clothes we have gotten since are nice. All sizes, but definitely weather appropriate for age. Long sleeve onesies are almost impossible to find, and we forgot to buy pants until after she was born, fuzzy sleepers are the best thing ever, I don't even care that she will be wearing Christmas until Easter!

14. Dog attention! Please come walk my one and half year old, sometimes he drives me absolutely crazy and I feel guilty that he gets ignored so much. This is the perfect gift from the person not so excited about seeing or holding the baby, come walk the dog, I will be as grateful as if you came over and watched her so I could nap, the dog out of my hair for a few minutes is gold.

15. Gift Cards! If all else fails, gift cards. Especially to Target and Wal-Mart. You can upload them onto the app for your phone, so when you remember that you have no socks for your child you can order them in the middle of the night when you're bored trying to get your sweet child to sleep. Food gift cards are great too, that way we can get out of the house without breaking the bank!

16. Oh and stamps! For all the thank you cards, bills or anything else. Stamps are a must!

I think that's the majority of the things! Thank you to everyone who has spoiled us this past month. I don't know how we would have survived without you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you! <3