You Love Me Anyway

I'm sitting here in my office today with a lot of things I need to be doing and a lot of things on my mind. But I'm feeling very humbled today and the words of Sidewalk Prophet's song You Love Me Anyway are ringing through my head. This is not a new song by any means. I know it has been out for at least three years, but it seems to strike me hard during holy week. This song starts with normal questions that people ask, like why do loved ones have to die, and other things that sometimes seem to pull us away from God. But then it gets to the most powerful part of the song and these are the words that keep resounding over and over in my mind.

I am the thorn in Your crown

But You love me anyway

I am the sweat from Your brow

But You love me anyway

I am the nail in Your wrist

But You love me anyway

I am Judas’ kiss

But You love me anyway

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd

For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground

Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face

With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace

And then alone in the night, I still called out for You

So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway  

(follow the link to hear the song)

This song continues to knock me down. It is often too easy to forget just how incredible our God is. I am leading Francis Chan's Crazy Love study again for me, but the first time for this group and he talks about it as well. How we need to be making the Cross the center of our lives. Chan says to think about the person you love the most and then picture them on the Cross dying for all of the world's sins. Most people think of their spouse or their children at this point, but being that I am single and have no children my mind flashes images of my parents, my brother, and my best friend on the cross. I can't entertain any one of them for very long because seeing any of them in that form of agony is just unfathomable. I have seen the movie The Passion of the Christ almost every year since it came out and the idea of replacing the person in those bloody scenes with someone that I hold near and dear to my heart is just too painful to even think about. Which just brings me to a state of awe. My God did that for me. He sacrificed the one person that meant more to Him than anyone else in the most brutal way possible, for me. 

And then to throw the words from the song into this already horrifyingly humbling picture. Now I'm the thorns, and the nails and the kiss of betrayal. Me? I'm a good person how is it that I was there all those years ago denying my Lord, hiding my shame from the world as He hung on that cross for me? 

It would be easy to live this life however I wanted because I can say well He loves me anyway and know without a doubt that that is true. But when I become the nails in His wrist, or the thorns in His head I can't even imagine not wanting to live my life for Him. I have spent my whole life trying to live like Christ and usually I feel really good about myself, but nothing stabs me in the heart faster than picturing myself as the one that put Jesus on the cross. It is so easy to look at Judas and see a selfish man that wanted life's riches and was willing to do what it took to get them, and you can almost be angry with him and glad that he hangs himself out of shame in the end. But the reality is I'm no better. How many times in my life have I let money take over my life, either the abundance or the lack thereof? How many times have I been greedy or selfish and not put Christ first? I don't even know the answer to those questions because they are so numerous. 

It is easy to look at Peter in his time of weakness and say shame on you for denying your Lord, you could see Him, you got to know Him, I would have been stronger. But would I? Would I really have been able in the midst of all that chaos that day been able to stand up and say YES, I am a disciple of that man you are trying to kill? Probably not, saying that would more than likely have been a death sentence for Peter or any of them. The mob mentality was so strong that day. Peter did what a lot of people would say was worse than Judas, because he denied knowing Jesus, Judas just gave Him away. And it is Peter that God uses to build the church, but Peter said he didn't know Jesus.... But you love me anyway! 

But you love me anyway? Really you love me, each and every time I fail you? But you love me anyway! How could I use that as an excuse to live a worldly life? Not when I caused the pain, the blood, the death of the only perfect human to ever walk this earth the epitome of divine and you love me anyway. I sit here humbled today, as I push away the thoughts of why do we have Easter Egg hunts in the church? The bigger picture here is not did we get enough candy donated to have this hunt, but we are in what is supposed to be the holiest of holy weeks of the year. My heart is heavy at this moment with the thought that we continuously miss the gravity of what happened during the first Holy Week, and He loves us anyway!

I don't want to be ashamed of my life anymore. I don't want to bury God's grace and turn away smiling. When I cry out at night I don't want it to be in shame. I have been called to walk on the edge of the world and I don't want to miss what I have been set here for, because of my own selfish desires. This Holy week I have been knocked to my knees in the realization of my own sinful unworthiness. I can't change that I am a thorn in His crown but I can change how that affects my life. God loves me and I should be living every moment of my life in a way that resounds that like a gong in the dead of night. GOD LOVES ME ANYWAY! These words are working in my heart today. How does it sound to you right now?