The Words I Would Say

I can't help but to think of you this weekend. You were supposed to graduate tomorrow. You were supposed to have a party this weekend and put on your cap and gown and smile for all the photos. You were supposed to be the first one in your family to receive a diploma and go to college. You were supposed to achieve your dreams and have a future. My daughter was supposed to know you.

But I don't know where you are. You haven't been a part of my life for seven months now. You were my little sister for a decade and I only know you're alive from Instagram.

I find myself emotional this weekend thinking about all of the things that were supposed to be. You were excited about graduating and going to college. You couldn't wait to prove to your family that you were worth it and could have a future, that is, until you wanted your freedom more. You wanted to be loved so bad that you ran away from the only real love in your life.

You'll never know that making you go was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I knew in my heart that it was time, because every time you pushed against us I found myself praying that the little heartbeat inside me would still be there the next morning. I let you go for the safety of my family. Loving you was killing them. And even though I know I tried my best and did all I could do, it doesn't change the fact that the day you left my dreams died too.

For almost ten years I dreamed for you and was excited to see your plans fall into place, and tomorrow is just the reality that those dreams are broken along with the sisterhood we once shared.

I will always pray for you, I pray that you're safe and happy. I pray that you will find love and someday make your dreams come true. If I could see you now I'd probably have to walk away, but these are the words I would say, if I could. I pray God's love finds you somewhere along the way and you let it guide you.

You will forever be in my prayers and in my heart.