A Race Well Run

 Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

The last leg of Grandma’s race was a hard fought battle. Some would say the cancer won, but they didn't watch the battle. Grandma's victory truly was in Jesus. To go home after a hard fight with your legacy around your bed and Jesus' name in your heart and on your lips, thats the way it should be.

I have been so incredibly blessed to know my grandma for 35 years. Grandma’s house wasn’t just a place we went to on the occasional holiday or special occasion. We knew Grandma’s house, and Grandma knew us. Even when they were still working grandma and grandpa had us grandkids over regularly. I have countless cousin sleepover memories. I can see us all at the farm, looking at cows, and watching Disney movies. I can still smell her make up drawer, and feel her meatballs as she taught us to roll them up. I can see us in their house here in town competing to go to sleep first to earn a quarter, and sharing a bed on Christmas morning because we all got snowed in. I remember riding with grandma one time from the farm to Blackwell, and a crop duster almost drove across her car. There were countless trips to sonic, and every Thanksgiving ended with searching the ads for what deals were worth waking up early on Friday for. Grandma took me for my first pedicure, and bought most of my Easter dresses. I remember shopping with her a lot, and she always encouraged me away from the clearance rack! 

If I could use one word to describe Grandma it would be cheerleader. Because grandma spent so much of her retirement cheering on her grandkids and great grandkids in any semi-important thing we did. Ball games, choir concerts, parades, award ceremonies, sermons, graduations, weddings, she made it to as many as she possibly could. 

I am blessed to be part of Grandma’s legacy. Grandma’s legacy was one of faith and family. As kids we knew that God, her church, and her faith were important. I remember visiting Sunday School in this building, crashing a choir practice, and watching from the pews as my grandparents sang on Sundays. Grandma passed down her love for God, music, and family to each of us. A legacy is what you leave behind. As I look around this room I see an incredible legacy of a life time of pouring into the people she loved the most. Grandma knew us as individuals, she supported us fiercely and invited us to watch her live and love. 

In the book of Daniel. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, answer King Nebuchadnezzar by saying, “you can throw us in the fiery furnace but our God can rescue us, but even if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t change anything, we will never serve your gods.” This is the kind of faith Grandma had, and she entered her own fiery furnace and stood strong. Cancer couldn’t shake her faith and just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego she was not alone in her fight. We have great comfort today knowing that Grandma got her healing. There was no losing the fight. When you love Jesus like Grandma did you can’t lose. Because waking up in Heaven is winning. Grandma is no longer in pain, she has received her new body, and it is healthy and beautiful. She will never struggle to breathe again and we will always be able to feel her love as we continue on in the race of faith knowing that Grandma is now part of the great cloud of witnesses that have gone on before us. We can miss her, and mourn her knowing that she is complete and she has found full victory in Jesus. 

Hard Fought Hallelujah - 10 Years Together

Brandon Lake's newest release catches my attention for many reasons but this month it has me thinking about our 10th wedding anniversary. My brain just keeps thinking, "I can't believe we made it here." and then at the same time, "Of course we did!" Marriage was created to symbolize Jesus' relationship with the church. It's the closest earthly relationship we can have to that of the one we have with Christ. So when I think about my marriage like I do my relationship with Christ, the words to this song fit so well.

"Yeah, I don't always feel it. Yeah, but that's when I need it the most. So, I'ma keep on singing 'til my soul catches up with my song."

Marriage is a choice. Each day I wake up I am given the choice to love my husband or not. I can do life with him or without him. This is the same as my relationship with Christ. And the days that I struggle to do life with Adam are the days, that I need him more, and my stubborn independent self doesn't want to admit it. These are the days that I keep pushing on waiting for the rest of me to catch up. Just like there are days that I don't really feel God, and just have to sing until I do!

"There are times when my hands go up freely and times when it costs, oh-oh, there's days when a praise comes out easy, days when it takes all the strength I got."

There are days when it is easy to be married and it is my favorite thing. Those days I'm excited to spend time with Adam and I can't wait to be with him. There are times in our lives when choosing to spend time with each other costs us our individual desires. And there have been times in our marriage when being together is the last place we want to be. Those days when you sit in the driveway a little bit longer, trying to decide if you really do want to go into the house where the other person is waiting. There are times when loving each other looks different than we thought it would and it costs those expectations we brought with us into the marriage. We aren't a romantic couple that dotes on one another, we are two people just doing life together, and if I look at our marriage through any other lens we can find ourselves at a loss. Marriage did cost us our individuality, we are called to be one, and there are times when it really does take all that we have to surrender to what we have together.

"I'll bring my hard-fought, heartfelt been-through-hell hallelujah. And I'll bring my storm-tossed, torn-sail story-to-tell hallelujah."

This part of the song makes me think of how we are two imperfect humans trying to do life together in a broken world. Each year, as we grow together, we are faced with many obstacles that try to break us apart. Arriving 10 years from our wedding date hand in hand, side by side is nothing short of a miracle and insanely hard work. We have fought for this life together. Some years our sails were a little more torn than others. Money, Jobs, Covid, Depression, Parenting, Stubbornness, ADHD, and Anxiety have all been a part of our story. We have been head over heels for each other, and glorified roommates. We have been best friends and frienemies. We have had each other's backs and left each other stranded. We have each stepped in and stepped up when the other couldn't. We have been through sickness and health, richer and poorer. We both have pushed and pulled. This marriage boat has almost sunk a time or two, but each time we have built it stronger together.

"Cause God, you've been patient. God, you've been gracious, faithful, whatever I'm feeling or facing."

But God! For real, we would not be here together today without God. I remember a season of our life that was particularly dark and I was ready to throw in the towel when a small voice whispered, "But you stopped praying for him..." What? Talk about conviction. I realized at that moment that I had again stopped seeing my husband as my partner and a human and was more focused on all the ways he wasn't what I signed up for. God was convicting me of all the ways I wasn't being what Adam signed up for either. The biggest one, was a wife who prayed. Why is it that I find it easier to love, serve, and pray for perfect strangers, and not the man I committed my life to? God said, "I will fight for you, you need only be still." So there I stayed and prayed and God brought us through that fire and every other one we have faced together. 

"So I'll bring my hard-fought, heartfelt, it-is-well hallelujah."

We have had some incredibly good times together. No one makes me laugh like Adam does. When we are good we bring out the best in each other. He relaxes me and makes me have fun. And I add structure and stability to his ever-active brain and life. We are so incredibly blessed to get to do life in the place where we met, started dating, and got married. I often think about this crazy camp life we live, and God knew that here we would thrive together. 

"I've wrestled with the darkness, but I'm trying to reach for the light."

We have a season in our life that we call the darkness. And we fought like hell to get out of it. And there are times now we have to fight to remain in the light. We try to leave this part of our life very much in the past. But we wouldn't be where we are today without it. 

"Yeah, the struggle keeps me honest. And it breaks down the walls of my pride. 'Cause faith isn't proven, like gold, 'til it's been through the fire."

Nothing in my life has humbled me more than marriage and parenthood. I'm not as "good" as I thought I was. I am an imperfect human being, I love imperfectly, and I have so many flaws. It has taken a decade in the same space as another person for my heart to truly surrender and say, "Yeah, I'm just as imperfect as you are."

This song is playing on repeat right now, and each of these parts just keeps jumping at me. There is so much more I want to say but that's not really necessary. We are here, we did it, and we are still together doing this life, serving God, raising our children, and loving each other! Hallelujah!

Goodbye Yesterday

October 20, 2024, will forever be a special day for Adah. We were on our way to church and the song "Goodbye Yesterday" by Elevation Rhythm came on the radio. 

"Goodbye yesterday

I'm living in the light of a new day

I won't waste another minute in my old ways

Praise the Lord I've been born again

(I've been born again)"

This line came on, and she said, Mom, "what does it mean to be born again?"

So I told her that being born again is when you ask Jesus to live in your heart forever.

She promptly looked out the window at the sky and said, "Jesus, I want you to live in my heart forever."

We then walked through asking Jesus to forgive her sins, and she acknowledged that He is the one and only savior, and she wanted him with her always.

So I told her that she was in fact born again, and October 20th would always be her 2nd birthday! She was so giddy and excited. 

This morning, October 21st. We listened to the song again on the way to school and then followed it with "Good Day" by Forrest Frank, which is on our morning playlist. I paused it and asked her if she knew why songs like Good Day and I'm So Blessed are so important to us? She said, "No." So we talked about how no matter what our days bring us we can know that it is a good day and we are blessed because we have Jesus in our hearts, because of yesterday she could always have a good day no matter how the world acts. She then said, "But I thought Jesus already lived in my heart." I said, "That is correct, yesterday you just chose to ask him there permanently." Then she bounced out of the car and off to school.

I grew up a Christian, I can't tell you of a single born-again moment in my life. So it never occurred to me that my children, who also are being raised in the church would have one, and it was so incredibly special and mind-blowing. Adah has always had a profound understanding of who Jesus is and who He is to her, this along with her divine understanding of death has been blowing my mind since she was a toddler. It has been so easy to get stuck in the things that are hard for Adah in this life. School is not easy, she struggles each day to control her emotions and the ADHD brain that she has been blessed with. She is anxious and loving and so many things. I have never met a more stubborn human being, and have spent her life choosing my battles, and usually feeling quite defeated. Since I work in ministry, it has never been an option to not go to church or be a part of a faith community. But lately, I have been wondering if I'm doing this right? Mom guilt is the worst. 

My song for parenting Adah has always been "Oceans" by Hillsong. And the line, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders," often haunts my mind. I used to wonder why that was her song, and then I came to realize that being Adah's mother is the place where my trust is without borders, this is where I'm walking on water reaching out to Christ. I wasn't called to a mission field across the world but to one in my own home. Walking this stubborn child through the waves of life is where I have been called to be. So many times I find myself at a loss in motherhood, the day-to-day is hard. Balancing all the activities, with the educational needs, and making sure we balance screen time with play time can just about undo me. Sometimes if I'm honest, I find myself in the laundry room wishing I had taken Paul's writing in 1 Corinthians a little more to heart and stayed single in ministry! (haha) Yes, ministry with others was so much easier when I was on my own, but my ministry keeps adapting and changing. My calling into Youth ministry includes the youth in my household and when I remember this, motherhood isn't quite so daunting.

So here we are in another mind-blowing reminder as to who God has called me to be, and my children to be. At the end of the day, we are called his children! My children are really his children on loan to me, my job as a mother is to make God known to them in their real lives, in the small moments and the big ones! October 20th will forever be a special day worth celebrating for the born-again birthday, and the reminder that we are chosen by the creator of the Universe to love and be loved!

Advent Season: God is in This Story

 The season of Advent is my favorite time of year. I love everything about it. The anticipation for Christ, Advent Calendars, Christmas Decorations, Advent Studies, and where my devotional heart goes this time of year. This season I am teaching a Bible Study on the book of Matthew, and doing an Advent Study using some of the women from the Bible. Week 1 is the story of Tamar. Never would I have chosen her to start a study that leads to Christ, and yet for that reason, she is the perfect place to start. 

Tamar has a very broken story in the Bible. She is married to one of Judah's sons. He is not a good man and doesn't treat her well, God takes care of him. Then in Jewish tradition, she is married to his brother, and the story is much the same. He refuses to give her children because he doesn't want his brother to get credit for any sons. So God takes care of him too. Leaving her a widow x2. Judah sends her home to live a widow's life until the third son is old enough to marry her. Time passes and he never fulfills his promise. She takes matters into her own hands and tricks Judah into sleeping with her. She gets pregnant and with this child enters the lineage of Jesus Christ. 

In Youth Group we talked about the different characters in the Christmas Story. The figurines we set on our mantle this time of year in our Nativities. 

• Shepherds: This wasn't a job that essential people held. It was a job for the least of these, they lived with the sheep and would have been dirty and smelly.
• Magi: These guys weren't even Jewish. They didn't believe in God or follow any belief system that looks like Jesus. They likely believed in magic and astrology, they were tracking stars. Definitely outsiders. 
• Joseph: a carpenter, nothing too special. Just a man willing to live by his convictions over the law.
• Mary: a young, virgin, betrothed, yet pregnant. 

In Matthew 1 we find the lineage of Jesus, these people were considered an important part of his story. Lineages were used to show how important someone was, and they typically leave out any of the black sheep of the family. We find Tamar, Rahab, Bathsheba, and many more that have a history not fit for the King of Kings. 

If you break any part of the story of Christ apart you find brokenness, but when we put it all together and read the story as a whole we find love and grace. God could have chosen anyone and any way to bring the promised Messiah, he could have chosen the best of the best to be a part of Jesus' story. But he didn't. He chose broken sinful humans, and by choosing them he redeemed their stories.

Week one of Advent is Hope. These characters, these people bring us hope. There is nothing that we can go through in this life that writes us out of Christ's story. 

God loves us in our stinky shepherd clothes. 

God loves us even when we look to the stars to fix our problems.

God loves us when we are ordinary people living ordinary lives.

God loves us when we are called beyond the world's standards and the deck is stacked against us.

God loves us when we come from broken marriages and homes.

God loves us when no one else does. 

God loves us when we take matters into our own hands.

God loves us when we sin majorly and cause others pain. 

God loves us on the mountaintops.

God loves us in the valleys. 

The world doesn't define your story. God does. When we are stuck in the middle of something ugly and painful it is hard to see any good in the story. But God is there, and he is molding those moments into His story with love and grace. Don't lose heart, God is in THIS story.

God is in This Story - Katy Nichole & Big Daddy Weave

Daycare: The First Day vs. The Last Day!

The state of the crazy world brought this day a lot earlier than we had planned. On the plus side Camp Grandma is open and ready for play! 

In January of 2018 we moved to Camp and Adah started attending Retana Care each day. Courtney and I were friends in school and this was the only place I could imagine sending my child when we moved back to AC! There are no words to say to thank someoneel for loving your child like their own!

What Adah has learned:

* No biting! This was one of our first big hurtles. And I was mortified and had no clue what to do with a biter. But Courtney was patient and loved and coached her through it.

* How to go to the same place every day and not get bored. Before this Adah went somewhere different every day.

*How to be nice and share. This is still a work in progress but she has come leaps and bounds while being at Courtney's.

*How to have multiple friends.

*How to insert herself into group play that has already started.

*How to eat what everyone else is eating, or at least mostly!

*How to interact with babies and children younger than her.

*How to not be the center of everyone's attention.

*How to stay quiet at nap time even if you aren't sleepy.

*Adah became potty trained in this time with Courtney. 

There are so many more lessons and things that Courtney reinforced for us on a daily basis. It is such a blessing as a parent to send your child somewhere so you can work and know that they are not just being watched but loved and nurtured.

We will forever be grateful for Courtney and her family for loving our stubborn amd sweet Adah Grace!

From barely 2 to 4! Adah's first day and today when we said goodbye! Thank you Miss Courtney!

See a Victory!

At the beginning of this Lenten season I decided I wanted to write more and use songs to do it. I did this for almost a week and then got really sick. Since then it has been hard to get back to doing any of the things I had planned to devote myself to. 

  

Then the whole world went into chaos with this pandemic. Now we are supposed to stay home and distance ourselves and we should have a healthy fear in our hearts so we don't touch our faces. 

Well this past week or two has been a pure nightmare for many. Toilet paper is a hot commodity, medical personnel can't get the protective supplies they need, famous people have even died from this, birthdays are lonely, and you can't go visit anyone! It would be so easy to sit inside on social media and fill my heart with fear and sorrow. I could focus on the jobs that are lost and the freedom that seems to be stolen. 

But today was none of that. And tonight this song was the first one that played while I washed the mud from my feet.

See a Victory has the most perfect words for today. "I am gonna worship my way through this battle. You take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it for good!"

Enemy: churches are closed! 

God: let's worship online! (This morning I worshipped online with people 3 times my age all the way down to a 3 year old!)

People that have been scared of technology are now using it in bold ways to meet with those they love!

Enemy: you must stay home!

God: here is some sunshine, go play! 

Enemy: you must stay 6 feet away from everyone so you don't get sick.

God: you have a 4 year old!

Enemy: You can't go anywhere! And you live in a tiny little cabin!

God: You live at camp!

We live in an incredible time. We can see people without leaving our house. We can shop online. And we can be entertained, educated, and work from home. We live in a high speed, instant kind of world and we were all just given the gift of slowing down. So take a deep breath, follow the directions of the CDC, and accept this gift of a slower pace. Go outside, get muddy, play hard, do the things you never have time to, read, catch up on your shows, be crafty, make food...whatever it is the fuels you. Worship, pray, sing, & dance! Don't let the enemy win! Use this time for good!

Where Two or More are Gathered....

Growing up in Children's Church my grandmother always quoted the scripture "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I will be also." Matthew 18:20.

I woke up this morning thinking about this scripture. Grandma has been gone now for 3 months and she still has this ability to speak wisdom into my life. This week it seems as if our whole world has exploded into chaos. Going to the store is not suggested and you can't find anything you need anyway, people are working from home and all gatherings of ten or more have been cancelled across the country. There has been a lot on social media from news, to panic, memes, blatant meanness, and scripture...you name it someone has reacted in that way.

As the world is freaking out about toilet paper, and hunkering down, separating from everyone....It would be so incredibly easy to live in fear. This really reminds me of the days after 9/11 and the days after we went to war on terror. And other times in history where our need to control our world actually creates insane chaos.

I don't know if it is living and working at a Church Camp that has completely calmed spirit over the years, maturity, or my ever growing walk with Christ. But I have complete peace in all of this until I am completely alone. I am asthmatic, so there is a piece of me that is nervous in this virus pandemic. It could be really bad for me. Yesterday I enjoyed the quietness of camp as it was it empty and enjoyed the peaceful moments of motherhood. But once she was asleep and I was alone....I got nervous. I was riding my exercise bike and wheezing....and my brain immediately went to what if this is the virus. Not to the fact that it is spring and I have never been able to breath as things bloom. So this morning when I woke....a little clearer minded. I heard in my heart, "where two or more are gathered."

As a kid I always wondered what happens when you're alone....does God not join you when you are by yourself? How rude!!! When I am alone that is when I need the presence of God the most. Hey God, what is up with this verse in the Bible?! What about all of these people who are quarantined alone right now...you're just gonna leave them to their own devises?

Obviously when I am alone, my very powerful mind takes over! So in this internal conversation this morning, the response was again, "Where two or more are gathered!" And then it hit....I'm not alone when I ask the Spirit to be with me. I automatically then went to Grandma's and my favorite poem...the footprints poem. When there is only one set of footprints that is when God carries us. Oof....talk about conviction first thing in the morning!

I'm not alone when I ride my bike in the evening, I'm not alone when I can't go to the store, I'm not alone when the internet and the news run rampant. I'm not alone, unless I want to be. I can push the Spirit away. I can refuse to let the Spirit control my thoughts and desires. I can choose to be vulnerable, scared, and lonely. Or I can choose to let the Spirit in, and let God be in my thoughts, and my moments, and my days.

Toilet paper may be a scarce commodity right now, and your loved ones may be miles away. But God is only as far away as you want Him to be. If you are feeling isolated and abandoned, you're doing the pushing...not the other way around! Your mind is the most powerful tool you have, use it wisely.

"For where two or more are gathered, in My name, there I will be also!" - Jesus

Day 7: Even If

As I have spent time thinking about the purpose behind this daily song blog and what it is I want to share, I have come up with some criteria for the daily song. It must meet one or more of these.

1. At some point during the it has caught my attention and I can't quit thinking about.

2. It is a new song by someone I have never heard of and it speaks to me.

3. It applies to something in my life today.

4. It is a significant song from some part of my life.

The first one is probably the hardest and that is where the first few songs came from.  But today I land with #4, a song that is significant to a specific time of my life.

In 2017, on Easter morning my dad was taken by ambulance and was bleeding internally and they couldn't figure out where. In the midst of the other turmoil in my life, my father came close to death a couple times and was in the hospital for almost 6 weeks. This song hit the radio during this time. And I remember be struck to tears because I knew in my heart at any moment God could answer my prayer and heal my father and return him to teaching and being Grandpa. I also knew that God could choose not to, or He could heal my father and take him home with Him. 

Just like I knew that He could give my husband a job, heal my broken heart, make my child sleep at night, and make my budget work. God could do all the things I asked and He could choose not to. 

This season was so intense. My finances were as low as my father's hemoglobin and much like we couldn't find where he was bleeding we couldn't find a second source income.

This song was played on repeat and through tear filled prayers I fought so I could say It Is Well! Through all of it my soul was ok, my soul found rest in God. 

And today, 3 years later in a season that always makes me hug my dad a little tighter I can tell you all the ways God answered those prayers. 

And as I am battling my own stomach issues that are sure to hit me in the finances in a way that has me nervous, this song still brings me peace. Because there will always be something to break the budget, but I refuse to let my world spiral and I know that through all of it God is in control and if He doesn't move my mountain than the climb must be part of my journey.

No matter what your Even If statement is tonight, I pray you can see and feel that God has you and can sing deep down in the depths of your soul, "It is well, with my soul!"

this picture is from June 2017, I remember being emotional being able to take this picture, because just 2 months before we weren't sure this would happen again!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 3: for the balance beam and fun activities at daycare! 

Day 4: for Nicole's foster daughter and her birthday party!

Day 5: Mommy forgot to ask.

Day 6: for Daddy!

Day 7: Mommy forgot to ask.

Day 6: Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

Today's song is known at my house as Mommy's Song. For a long time this song was the final song I played while rocking Adah to sleep. Daddy's song is "Sweet Child of Mine." Many nights I sang this song to Adah with a tear filled heart, wondering why God had called me to a place where clearly my feet had failed and where I felt as if I was drowning. 

There was a season in our life that was so dark and painful. It was hard to see that there was ever going to be a brighter day.

Now being in a totally different place in life the lyrics of this song hang on my wall and I smile knowing that God called me to this life and through all of it He has guided me through. 

2017 was the middle of our storm. 2020 we are on the other side. There isn't an easy way to do a life side by side picture. But we have grown just about as much as she has!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 3: for the balance beam and fun activities at daycare! 

Day 4: for Nicole's foster daughter and her birthday party!

Day 5: for Daddy!

Day 5: ER Visit

Well my goal to write each day for lent was squandered Sunday morning. One could attest that Sunday's don't count during lent, but my streak was broken with another round of stomach illness. This was unlike any I have experienced and at 7am Sunday morning I cried from the bathroom for my husband to call my parents. My entire abdomen was on fire and had been for over an hour. 

If you know me, you know that I hate going to the dr, I will be the first to drive you there, but if it isn't broken, there is no blood and I can still see straight I will probably find a reason not to go. A week ago I went to urgent care for the first time ever for myself. I had a viral stomach thing and 24 hours later I was back to normal. Adah had battled something similar for about two weeks and then Adam fought it too. 

We had a normal week and even went to a bday bowling party. But about bedtime the symptoms came rushing back. I found myself ill an hour away from home. When my stomach settled, something in me said we had to go home, staying would be really bad. So I broke Adah's heart and ended our sleepover. She slept the whole way home and I drove and prayed. I just needed to make it back to my house. About Winfield the nauseous feeling and all illness left, we made it home and I transferred Adah to her bed and settled in with a show and my own bed.

About 2am it all began again but this time it came with a firey vengeance. I was able to get a little bit of sleep as long as I stayed curled in a ball, but the moment I would stretch out the pain, fire, and symptoms all returned. Each time was worse than the one before. By 7, I was barely able to stand and could not help but to cry. So my parents came and assured me this was the correct time to go to the ER. Thankfully it wasn't too busy and I got right in. 

They gave me a GI Cocktail which numbed everything and took care of the burning and eventually I was able to not stay curled in a ball. 

They diagnosed a combo of Gastroenteritis & Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease.  And sent me home to rest with a couple new prescriptions. 

Today, I have slept most of it. Eaten some, everything I have swallowed today feels like it is stuck in my chest. Thankfully no fire and no real pain. 

So if in doubt, call your mom! She'll reassure your thought that you need to go to the ER! Thanks Mom!

sleeping all day is better with this guy!

Day 4: Holy Water

Today was a fun family day. We celebrated my neice's birthday with a bowling party. This was so much fun. Adah had never been bowling, she didn't even know what it was. She managed to the slowest ball ever! And two kids lane hopped their balls. It was quite humorous and the kids had a blast! And I brought home a sleeping 4 year old exhausted from all the fun!

Today's song is a special one! It is pretty popular on Christian radio and every time it comes on, Adah begs me to turn it up, and she sings along. Today she even wanted it on repeat. This song is musically interesting and bone chilling, then the vocals come in and bam, you can't focus on anything else. This is the kind of song that I can't help but listen to over and over and I want to share with the world. I am loving that for this particular one Adah agrees and we must turn it up!

So please check out Holy Water by We the Kingdom! 

For timing reference, it took 3 snapchat videos to send one shot to her daddy!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 3: for the balance beam and fun activities at daycare! 

Day 4: for Nicole's foster daughter and her birthday party! 

Day 3: Rejoice

"This is where my peace comes from
Immovable One, unshakeable God
There's freedom where I place my trust"

These words got me this morning. This is so where my heart has been this year. I feel like my spiritual roots are expanding drastically. My prayer is to always be able to rejoice and to have an unshakable faith, because I have an unshakable God!

Check out this amazing song.

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 3: for the balance beam and fun activities at daycare! 

Day 2: Kingdom Come

Today, I had a lot of time to listen to music. I had a couple if much needed soul meeting in Wichita and spent my day drinking coffee, discussing Jesus, the world, parenting, being married, and the season of Lent.

This was much needed for my soul, I didn't even realize it. I am feeling convicted this Lent season like I have never been before. I have spent a lot of time the past couple of years working on my whole self. Spiritual and physical growth have been major for me! Recently I have dove into finances and find myself today convicted in my home life! This season I am working on being a better mother and wife. Patience and Grace seem to have ran away from our humble abode and it is time to reestablish them. 

This season I want to put to rest my need to yell. I want to approach my house like I do everything else in my life, as a calling and with Grace. Tonight this came to a test during shower time. Adah was bound and determined not to take one. And tonight I can say that I didn't cave and I didn't yell. And over all it feels better, and even though she had tears, I am going to bed tonight not focused on how crappy this situation made me feel but instead on the positives of the night!

So tonight my song is Kingdom Come and my prayer is that my house will look more and more like God's kingdom during this Lenten season!

Thanks Erica for the awesome new mug!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 1: I Don't Have Much

This Ash Wednesday has me pondering the best ways for me to spend my time and energy this Lenten season. I have always looked to this season for discipline, reconnection, and rekindling of the flame within. 

Today this song came on my Spotify, and it seemed like the perfect mantra for me during this time. It isn't about the things I can give up or the sacrifices I can make, but how my heart beats for Christ. So one of the ways I am focusing this season is to write and listen to music. This has always been a connection point for me and in the chaos of motherhood it has dwindled.

So 40 days, 40 songs, 40 blog posts! 

Here is the video to hear this beautiful song. 

I don't have much, but I have a heart that beats for you!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Loving My Jesus, The God of All My Days (In Memory of Naomi Jo Call)

For Grandma's Service: December 13, 2019
   Grandma Jo! What do you even say about the person who ignited a wildfire, not only in my soul but so many others? She will never know just how much of a blessing it was for me to grow up in the pew next to her. In these walls (St. Paul UMC) she was so much more than MY Grandma Jo, she was everyone's. Each Sunday she would take all of the children upstairs, gifting their parents a sermon free from parenting stress. The children were gifted so much more. For years that spanned more than I knew, Grandma was teaching the young people in this church how to be the church, know the Jesus, know scripture, and how to love like Jesus.
   When I was my daughter's age. I couldn't wait to be big like my cousins so I could sit in those little pews. Once I got there, a fire started in my soul. To this day I crave to learn more, memorize more, sing louder, and care deeper. Club cracker & apple juice communion will always be sacred to me. Lighting the advent candles, songs with actions, memorizing verses, sharing joys & concerns, singing Go Tell it On the Mountain, not running in the church, and definitely NEVER wearing a hat in the building were all just the surface of what she taught us in those pews. I took those lessons and tucked them deep inside and that flame fueled a life in ministry for me and a life of loving and serving deeply for all of us.
   Grandma like to give worry stones to people. A small rock with a cross that you can hold and rub while you say a prayer. Her life was never easy, but we never saw her worry, instead she prayed. Rocks are mentioned several times in the Bible. And like Peter was the rock the church was built on. Grandma was the rock this family was built on. And she made sure we knew that Christ was the only rock on which we would stand.
   Matthew 7:24-25 "Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the flood waters rise and the winds beat against the house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock."
   There are worry stones for each of you to take with you as you leave today. We hope they bring you peace and comfort like Grandma's hugs and remind you to turn to the rock eternal today, and everyday!


December 19, 2019
   Grandma has been gone for a whole week. It has been the little things that have stopped me in my tracks the most. To think about the legacy this woman left is overwhelming. She is in everything, everywhere I go. Every part of my day has a piece of her in it. From the cross around my neck, the rock in my pocket, the plants in the office, the puzzle picture on the wall, to driving by her building, sharing her middle name, to the tears in my daughters eyes.
    This morning out of no where on the way to town, Adah started crying. This has happened a lot in the past week. When I asked her what was wrong she said, "I miss Grandma! Why did she have to died?" I responded, "I miss her too, it was her turn to be called to Heaven to live with Jesus, remember she is happy now, she isn't in pain or sick anymore." Adah said "I know, but I can't hug her anymore. I have never been to Heaven." Through tears I said, "I know sweetheart, her hugs were the best, and we can't visit Heaven it doesn't work like that. Just remember she is with Jesus and Grandpa and she so very happy now!" "Look mom, an airplane!" And just like that we moved on to the excitement of airplanes in the sky, Baby Jesus in front of someone's house, and driving over the train tracks. She has moved on with her day at daycare and I was left stuck in the tears of loss. So, emotionally wounded I sit at my desk, inspired to finally write down my feelings, while listening to Casting Crowns and remembering all the good things.
  Grandma Jo has left the most incredible legacy behind. She had 5 children, 15 grandchildren, and 19 great grandchildren. This doesn't include the spouses and all of the extras who are as much family as those who share her DNA. She instilled in all of us hard work, stubbornness, and loving and serving people. She loved Jesus with every ounce of who she was, even on her last night she was studying His word. Her knowledge and love that she shared so freely with us came from her own desire to know and love Him more. She was always interested in what I was learning in college, and then when I moved on to full time ministry she wanted to know what I was teaching. She made the trip to watch the first Christmas Program I led, and I was so humbled trying to fill her shoes. I used her creepy Baby Jesus, and was offended when my youth called it that! Grandma went with me to college, to camp, to Hesston, to Derby, and back to camp. This week I have wanted nothing more than to wear her Moomoo, eat waffles, play farkel, and give her a hug.
   Instead I find myself marveling at how much she resembled her name sake in the Bible, Naomi. A widow at a young age, with a rough rode ahead of her, she could have stayed in a world of bitterness, and allowed the world to know her as Mara, but instead she focused on love and raised her five children, worked harder than anyone I know to make sure they never needed anything. She loved each one of her grandchildren as if they were the only one. We each have our own stories of her and they are all so beautiful. She was the most blessed great grandma as she welcomed each one into the family and loved them fiercely. These past few years have been really hard on her health, she battled leukemia and won and a lot people in her life didn't even know, because she didn't dwell on it. Her stubbornness carried her through a house fire, broken arm, and a UTI all this year. And then when she was feeling better than she had in a long time, sound mind, and content heart, she went to sleep in this life and woke up in the life eternal. She finally celebrated an anniversary with Grandpa after 42 years apart. And I imagine her in awe of the God of all her days as she is surrounded by perfect peace.
    I know I will continue to be stopped in my tracks, the tears will fall, and my almost four year old will continue to ask why she can't have a Grandma Jo hug, but I can't stay here in this grief. Because I am a part of her legacy. I am part of what she left behind. And her dream for all of us was to love and know her Jesus. She wanted us to be on fire for him, serve him, turn to him, and most importantly know him like she did.
   He is the God of all My Days, and I want the world to know me like they knew her, for Loving My Jesus!
   We love you and miss you Grandma! Thank you for making us your legacy! <3

We Are the Laborers in Your Vineyard...

We are the laborers in your vineyard, declaring the Word of the Lord. This is a line from one of our beloved camp songs. Tonight as we wrapped up our summer with dinner, awards, and worship this line struck me. Our 21 counselors belted this with all they had, before saying goodbye and heading down from this mountain top. This summer I was blessed to tend to this flock as they poured their hearts and souls into campers for nine weeks. Nine weeks, 1241 kids, countless moments sharing God's love. These college students could have chosen to do anything with their summer. They chose to go into the Lord's vineyard and work to plant seeds, bear fruit, prune vines, & prepare for the harvest.

In May when they got here they were twenty one individuals from twelve different campuses, tonight they are the family that is the Horizon Staff of 2019. They have lived together, fought together, served together, loved together, changed together, & grown together.

When you give up yourself & your summer to come to church camp you can't help but walk away changed. The lives you come into connection with, the hearts you watch change, the walls that crumble, the faces, the memories, the moments, they stay with you forever. This group came together like none I have seen before. They were instantly friends, they played long and hard together, and they tackled each day as if it were the only one they got. I watched them grown, break, and rebuild this summer, individually and together.

This summer was so much more than water balloons, messy games, hikes, dance parties, and Chaco tans. This summer was about the campers, which in turn made this summer about the counselors. In doing the good, hard work which is summer camp, they did the good, hard work which is personal and spiritual growth.

Lord, thank you for bringing this group together. Thank you for providing this space and time for this group to come together and serve you. Lord, please hold each one of them tight as they leave this sacred place. Help them to know you and serve you each and every day. Make your path known to them so they can live into your call for their lives. Remind them daily that they are loved, cherished, chosen, and here for a purpose! Amen!

This summer we were "Broken Vessels" that "Just Want(ed) to be a Sheep." We remembered "The Days of Elijah" and the day that "Death Was Arrested." Lord, you became the "King of My Heart" and "My Lighthouse." "Come Now is the Time to Worship" as we breathe the "Holy Spirit" and remember we are "Who You say I am." "This is Amazing Grace" please "Build Your Kingdom Here"

Loving My Jesus

Wow, it has been a long time since I have written on here! I used to have all kinds of inspiration and words to write. I think it is safe to say that this season of Motherhood has taken my free moments when I used to create words! :) 

Tonight I have just felt off, not sick and nothing really wrong, just off. Tonight as I rocked Adah before bed, she decided to randomly pick a different song than we normally rock to. She selected "Loving My Jesus" by Casting Crowns. Now the chorus is stuck in my head, and here I sit in the office typing!

These are the words playing in my heart tonight, 

Loving my Jesus

Showing my scars

Telling my story of how mercy

Can reach You where You are

And I pray the whole world hears

The cry of my heart

Is to see all the ones I love

Loving my Jesus

This morning I had a chat with one of the counselors who is discerning his future and where God is calling him to be. This is one of my favorite parts of my job! During this conversation, I shared pieces of my own ministry journey, the highs and lows, and where I heard God calling loud and clear and where I sat in despair wondering if I misunderstood. 

It is so easy to stroll through life with a false confidence, looking and acting as if I have it all figured out. And yet the moments that I live for, are when I am able to be real and honest, which requires me to show my scars and flaws. Tonight this has me pondering how different this world would look, if we all showed our brokenness and used our scars to serve others? Why are we so scared to be our true selves? 

Why do we put on the front of having it all together, when those around us are feeling things that we know so well? 

If more people were honest about how tough marriage is, would we have less divorces? If parents didn't feel so isolated in their exhaustion and stress, would more children have beds to sleep in and hugs and kisses? If more people were honest about how their bank account is empty and they are living on a prayer till pay day, would more people have full tummies and bills that are paid?

We live in a nation that strives for perfection and having it all together. There isn't any part of the American Dream that shows a person battling mental health and still providing for their family. No, the American Dream shows us perfect people making lots of money, owning houses and cars, and perfect happy smiling families.

I have a different dream. My dream for over a decade now has been Agape Dreams. God's Love in this world in deep, power, lasting ways. I really believe for this to happen we must be who we really are. In a transparent, #nofilter kind of way!

What are your scars that God might be calling you to share with someone tonight? Could your rocky marriage save someone else from walking away? Could your tithing journey help someone out of debt? Could your years of parenting a stubborn sleepless child help a mother who is at her whit's end?  Could your homesick, middle school self, convince a current middle school child to stay at camp just one more night? 

You have walked your journey, you have a purpose. Love your Jesus and share Him with those you love in the way that only you can! 

Ecclesiastes 3:11a "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart;"

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

He is My Brother!

To you he may be an annoyance as those flashing lights stop you from speeding down the highway when you're late for work.

To you he may be a long line of choice words because you've never met a cop that you can trust.

To you he may be a symbol of a group of people you hate.

To you he may be the one that separated your family and put someone you love in jail.

But to me...

That's my little brother, my first best friend, my first partner, my blood!

That's my niece's father, my mother's son, my daughter's uncle. That's my brother.

Every time I see a person in uniform, his is the face I see. There is more to that man than his badge. He belongs to someone, there are people praying that he just comes home alive. Every traffic stop and emergency that I see...I see my brother.

He is the man that will hold you and do CPR on you in your final hours, no matter how your life ended. He is the man who will race down the highway to help you. He is the man who will change your tire in the pouring rain. He is the man who will search endlessly when your child walked out the door and you don't know where. He is the man who will run into your house when all others would run out. He is the man willing to be the only thing standing between you and the greatest evil that has ever confronted you. He is the man who would take a bullet for you, you, a complete stranger. He is the man who would die to protect you and your family. He is that man, but first, he is my brother!

Every siren I here, sends chills through my soul. Every story on the news of a man/woman in blue who made their last call breaks my heart for days and brings tears to my eyes. Every badge I see, every Kevlar vest, every uniform, that's my brother!

Every Law Enforcement Officer is someone's loved one. They are Fathers and Mothers, Sisters and Brothers. They are someone's child, someone's friend, and someone will notice if they don't come home. Don't take them for granted, greet them with kindness and respect. Pray for them. They risk their lives daily for people they don't know. You may hate them when they pull you over, but you'll never know what they protected you from down the road, your speed could have killed someone.

I believe that all people deserve respect and to be treated equally and fairly. I believe that all lives matter. I believe in our rights to choose and live, and believe how we want. I believe all these things, and I support a lot of causes, but on top of my list I Back the Blue! Because He's my brother!

Twas the Night Before Camp!

Camp Horizon 2018

Twas the night before camp and all through the grounds

The counselors were prepping and gathering 'round.

The cabins were prepped and signs hung with care

With great hopes that campers soon would be there.

The lawn was mowed and pool filled

Training now over, each counselor now skilled.

Praise band has practiced and a sang each song.

Schedules are set so no one is wrong!

Messy Games, Archery, Canoes, and more

The choices are many, so nothing is a bore!

Life Guards and Facilitators sigh

Their hours of training have flown on by!

Shaving Cream, Water Balloons, and Gummy Worms galore

The games we play are silly, that's for sure.

Water Bottles, Backpacks, Suscreen, & Bug-spray

Pack your bags now, there is no time to delay.

Tomorrow the campers will come

Car loads and buses, sound the drum!

Tonight we gather around to pray

Tomorrow is coming, oh what a day!

Go to bed early, and sleep tight!

Happy Camping to all, and to all a good night!

A Psalm of Thanksgiving

Today in Sunday School we were challenged to be like the Psalmist and write our own Psalm of Thanksgiving. So here is mine.

Abba, Father you are good.
Your Grace abounds in unimaginable ways.
Oh God you always provide for me.
When I am broken and lost
You reach out and guide me.
Abba, I offer you my life
I give you my praise.
You know the inner darkness in my soul
And even still you call me daughter.
I cry out to you in anger and fear
And you hear me and come to me.
You never leave me in my despair
You nurture and enrich my life
So I may sing unto you.
Abba, Father I thank you
In the only way I can.
Here is my life, my heart, my means
Use me for your divine purpose
Use me for your glory.