Day 7: Even If

As I have spent time thinking about the purpose behind this daily song blog and what it is I want to share, I have come up with some criteria for the daily song. It must meet one or more of these.

1. At some point during the it has caught my attention and I can't quit thinking about.

2. It is a new song by someone I have never heard of and it speaks to me.

3. It applies to something in my life today.

4. It is a significant song from some part of my life.

The first one is probably the hardest and that is where the first few songs came from.  But today I land with #4, a song that is significant to a specific time of my life.

In 2017, on Easter morning my dad was taken by ambulance and was bleeding internally and they couldn't figure out where. In the midst of the other turmoil in my life, my father came close to death a couple times and was in the hospital for almost 6 weeks. This song hit the radio during this time. And I remember be struck to tears because I knew in my heart at any moment God could answer my prayer and heal my father and return him to teaching and being Grandpa. I also knew that God could choose not to, or He could heal my father and take him home with Him. 

Just like I knew that He could give my husband a job, heal my broken heart, make my child sleep at night, and make my budget work. God could do all the things I asked and He could choose not to. 

This season was so intense. My finances were as low as my father's hemoglobin and much like we couldn't find where he was bleeding we couldn't find a second source income.

This song was played on repeat and through tear filled prayers I fought so I could say It Is Well! Through all of it my soul was ok, my soul found rest in God. 

And today, 3 years later in a season that always makes me hug my dad a little tighter I can tell you all the ways God answered those prayers. 

And as I am battling my own stomach issues that are sure to hit me in the finances in a way that has me nervous, this song still brings me peace. Because there will always be something to break the budget, but I refuse to let my world spiral and I know that through all of it God is in control and if He doesn't move my mountain than the climb must be part of my journey.

No matter what your Even If statement is tonight, I pray you can see and feel that God has you and can sing deep down in the depths of your soul, "It is well, with my soul!"

this picture is from June 2017, I remember being emotional being able to take this picture, because just 2 months before we weren't sure this would happen again!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 3: for the balance beam and fun activities at daycare! 

Day 4: for Nicole's foster daughter and her birthday party!

Day 5: Mommy forgot to ask.

Day 6: for Daddy!

Day 7: Mommy forgot to ask.

Day 6: Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

Today's song is known at my house as Mommy's Song. For a long time this song was the final song I played while rocking Adah to sleep. Daddy's song is "Sweet Child of Mine." Many nights I sang this song to Adah with a tear filled heart, wondering why God had called me to a place where clearly my feet had failed and where I felt as if I was drowning. 

There was a season in our life that was so dark and painful. It was hard to see that there was ever going to be a brighter day.

Now being in a totally different place in life the lyrics of this song hang on my wall and I smile knowing that God called me to this life and through all of it He has guided me through. 

2017 was the middle of our storm. 2020 we are on the other side. There isn't an easy way to do a life side by side picture. But we have grown just about as much as she has!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 3: for the balance beam and fun activities at daycare! 

Day 4: for Nicole's foster daughter and her birthday party!

Day 5: for Daddy!

Day 5: ER Visit

Well my goal to write each day for lent was squandered Sunday morning. One could attest that Sunday's don't count during lent, but my streak was broken with another round of stomach illness. This was unlike any I have experienced and at 7am Sunday morning I cried from the bathroom for my husband to call my parents. My entire abdomen was on fire and had been for over an hour. 

If you know me, you know that I hate going to the dr, I will be the first to drive you there, but if it isn't broken, there is no blood and I can still see straight I will probably find a reason not to go. A week ago I went to urgent care for the first time ever for myself. I had a viral stomach thing and 24 hours later I was back to normal. Adah had battled something similar for about two weeks and then Adam fought it too. 

We had a normal week and even went to a bday bowling party. But about bedtime the symptoms came rushing back. I found myself ill an hour away from home. When my stomach settled, something in me said we had to go home, staying would be really bad. So I broke Adah's heart and ended our sleepover. She slept the whole way home and I drove and prayed. I just needed to make it back to my house. About Winfield the nauseous feeling and all illness left, we made it home and I transferred Adah to her bed and settled in with a show and my own bed.

About 2am it all began again but this time it came with a firey vengeance. I was able to get a little bit of sleep as long as I stayed curled in a ball, but the moment I would stretch out the pain, fire, and symptoms all returned. Each time was worse than the one before. By 7, I was barely able to stand and could not help but to cry. So my parents came and assured me this was the correct time to go to the ER. Thankfully it wasn't too busy and I got right in. 

They gave me a GI Cocktail which numbed everything and took care of the burning and eventually I was able to not stay curled in a ball. 

They diagnosed a combo of Gastroenteritis & Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease.  And sent me home to rest with a couple new prescriptions. 

Today, I have slept most of it. Eaten some, everything I have swallowed today feels like it is stuck in my chest. Thankfully no fire and no real pain. 

So if in doubt, call your mom! She'll reassure your thought that you need to go to the ER! Thanks Mom!

sleeping all day is better with this guy!

Day 4: Holy Water

Today was a fun family day. We celebrated my neice's birthday with a bowling party. This was so much fun. Adah had never been bowling, she didn't even know what it was. She managed to the slowest ball ever! And two kids lane hopped their balls. It was quite humorous and the kids had a blast! And I brought home a sleeping 4 year old exhausted from all the fun!

Today's song is a special one! It is pretty popular on Christian radio and every time it comes on, Adah begs me to turn it up, and she sings along. Today she even wanted it on repeat. This song is musically interesting and bone chilling, then the vocals come in and bam, you can't focus on anything else. This is the kind of song that I can't help but listen to over and over and I want to share with the world. I am loving that for this particular one Adah agrees and we must turn it up!

So please check out Holy Water by We the Kingdom! 

For timing reference, it took 3 snapchat videos to send one shot to her daddy!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 3: for the balance beam and fun activities at daycare! 

Day 4: for Nicole's foster daughter and her birthday party! 

Day 3: Rejoice

"This is where my peace comes from
Immovable One, unshakeable God
There's freedom where I place my trust"

These words got me this morning. This is so where my heart has been this year. I feel like my spiritual roots are expanding drastically. My prayer is to always be able to rejoice and to have an unshakable faith, because I have an unshakable God!

Check out this amazing song.

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 3: for the balance beam and fun activities at daycare! 

Day 2: Kingdom Come

Today, I had a lot of time to listen to music. I had a couple if much needed soul meeting in Wichita and spent my day drinking coffee, discussing Jesus, the world, parenting, being married, and the season of Lent.

This was much needed for my soul, I didn't even realize it. I am feeling convicted this Lent season like I have never been before. I have spent a lot of time the past couple of years working on my whole self. Spiritual and physical growth have been major for me! Recently I have dove into finances and find myself today convicted in my home life! This season I am working on being a better mother and wife. Patience and Grace seem to have ran away from our humble abode and it is time to reestablish them. 

This season I want to put to rest my need to yell. I want to approach my house like I do everything else in my life, as a calling and with Grace. Tonight this came to a test during shower time. Adah was bound and determined not to take one. And tonight I can say that I didn't cave and I didn't yell. And over all it feels better, and even though she had tears, I am going to bed tonight not focused on how crappy this situation made me feel but instead on the positives of the night!

So tonight my song is Kingdom Come and my prayer is that my house will look more and more like God's kingdom during this Lenten season!

Thanks Erica for the awesome new mug!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!

Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday! 

Day 1: I Don't Have Much

This Ash Wednesday has me pondering the best ways for me to spend my time and energy this Lenten season. I have always looked to this season for discipline, reconnection, and rekindling of the flame within. 

Today this song came on my Spotify, and it seemed like the perfect mantra for me during this time. It isn't about the things I can give up or the sacrifices I can make, but how my heart beats for Christ. So one of the ways I am focusing this season is to write and listen to music. This has always been a connection point for me and in the chaos of motherhood it has dwindled.

So 40 days, 40 songs, 40 blog posts! 

Here is the video to hear this beautiful song. 

I don't have much, but I have a heart that beats for you!

***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!

Day 1: being able to talk!