A little over a month ago, I picked my 17 year old little sister up and brought her home to live with me, knowing at that time that Adam and I were the best option for her to start adult life on a positive note. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but you're never fully prepared to be a parent no matter the age of the child.
As we drove home, and all my fears were flooding my mind, she was playing on her phone, and I already had a glimpse of what we were getting into. I remember thinking, "Are you sure God? Am I really doing what you want us to do?"
This song came on the radio.
Do Something by Matthew West
I've always loved this song but I've never had it yell at my like it did that day. Now when I hear it on the radio it is the reassurance I need in those moments that we really are on the right track.
Well as we have ventured into normal day to day life...whatever that means. I can honestly say this is rough. Good foster parents must saints. To take a kid in at 17 and try to give them some glimpse of a normal life or at least a functioning one....whew!
Well there have been many moments in the past few weeks where it has been a battle of emotions between a 17 year old female who can't see why and a pregnant adult who cares. My poor husband just rides the ride and tries to humor us back to some sense of normalcy.
Well we had one of these moments the other day, that was particularly hard on this pregnant momma. I was at one of those moments asking myself if maybe I should just care a little less. Knowing full well that is not even a possibility for me. And we were in the car driving home and this song came on.
All of Me - Matt Hammitt
I fell in love with this song awhile back but I was listening to it with my husband in mind. This time I heard it with that stubborn, beautiful, blonde young lady in my mind. Granted she was sitting right behind me in the car. And I lost it yet again, but this time in more of a sense of surrender. Surrender to this God ordained event that is happening in my life. We will continue to work through this, cherish the good moments and push through the bad. Because I know in my heart that this is what God has called Adam and I to. This moment, this place, this opportunity. We are on an uphill journey. I will have to remind myself, she isn't me, she hasn't spent the last 17 years with strict, Christian parents guiding her decisions. She isn't the 8 year old girl that I picked up 9 years ago to go out for ice cream, she isn't the 11 year old girl I took to make Build-a-Bears for our 3rd anniversary, she isn't even the 17 year old girl I woke up in that smelly room on that couch, that I brought home with me the first day. She is changing continually and often against her own will. God is working in her in mighty ways and for this to work she has to have all of me. My job is to keep the sadness from stealing her away. So we push through the daily drudge with the dream of a High School Diploma and open doors to a future that is bright and beautiful!
I am forever grateful for the music that speaks to me in ways no one else can!