Mommy, Mommy I Need You

Mommy, Mommy I need you. If you are ever around my mother and I call her, that is what you'll hear. I remember rolling my eyes in college when she made me record that on her, I had done it on a previous phone as a joke. Now I scare her every single time I call her.

Today is my second Mother's Day as a mother. I have learned more about myself in this time as mommy than in any other role of my life. One thing I have realized is that there nothing in life that makes you feel more genuinely needed than parenthood, and obviously for me, motherhood. 

From conception until about seven months old Adah needed me solely for life. She refused a bottle so it was on me, and as stressful and painful as it was at times, she needed me. She needed me on my good days and my bad, rested or exhausted, healthy or struggling. There were months that Adam would be jealous because she needed me, and my sleep deprived self just wanted a break. 

Even now she needs me, I have more freedom now to let her stay the night somewhere else and she is fine, but the moment I return you can see it on her face she needs me. The first time I left her for a long period of time I walked in, and she looked up from playing, saw me, and fell apart. She collapsed into my arms and wanted only me for awhile. She needs me, and that is so beautiful because we are designed to need to be needed. Her need for me is incredibly fulfilling.

The other thing I have learned about motherhood, is it makes you incredibly needy. This independent, I can do it myself, woman has completely crumbled and I know without a doubt I cannot do it alone. I have a need for Adam that I didn't have before, I need him as a partner in raising our daughter, there are moments I literally can't handle one more scream or tantrum, and I need him to let me walk away. I need my mother, I don't know what I'm doing and she did a good job twice, so I call her often for help. I need "Nanny" Nicole, for her friendship and selfless ways of helping me mother are incredible and like no other. I need the village that loves my child like their own. I need God to guide me in raising His child to be the God-fearing woman she is supposed to be.

So to the little girl who kind of looks like me, thank you for needing me, and most of all, thank you for reminding me to rely on other people and not to try to do it on my own. Thank you for blessing me each and every day. 

Happy Mother's Day!