We live in a world of sin and imperfection. I am a child of God striving each day to live out my calling. Welcome to my blog where you get the inside scoop of this Youth Pastor's world!
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." - 1 Timothy 4:12

Monday, July 8, 2013

When Words Fail...

I have been thinking the past couple of days that I need to be blogging about the songs that sing to my soul. God speaks to me through music and even when I can't see Him or feel Him anywhere else, it never fails that a song will play on the radio screaming out everything that I either needed to say or needed to hear. In college I used to take these songs and create a lesson with it and send it to people on Facebook, it has been awhile since I have done a song lesson but the music is still speaking to me. I don't think it is fair for me to hog these amazing songs and why they mean so much to me.

I have two currently that have been my "theme" songs lately so I will do them together. I think it is pretty obvious to anyone that reads my blog, or knows me well enough to read between the lines that this summer hasn't exactly been a party for me. I have found myself exceptionally low the past month and a half. People at work ask how I'm doing and I either have to lie and say I'm good or be prepared to explain why the opposite is actually the truth. The lie is easier, and I just keep moving through the day. The truth is, I'm ok, but no, I'm not good. With everything that has been going on there are days that I feel like I'm achieving something just by getting out of bed. I've cried more tears than I knew my body could produce and my prayers have swayed to the form of my soul just crying out Jesus, and sometimes, Why God, Why? I don't have any words, I mean I can still talk all I want and obviously blog, but when it comes to what I'm feeling and where my heart and soul are right now. There are absolutely no words. I don't even want to answer the question, How are you? No one is ok with the answer, I don't know. That is the truth though. I don't know.

I don't know why this hurts so much. I don't know why all of this is piling up on top of itself. I don't know  why I'm not handling it better. I don't know why all those "pastory words" don't help anything. I don't know why I don't want to read my Bible, or anything for that matter. I don't know why I can't fix this. I don't know... I don't know... I don't know....

Then these songs come on the radio
Worn by Tenth Avenue North



Pray by Sanctus Real

So no I may not know how to answer questions or even understand everything going on in this complex soul of mine, but I do know an amazing God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth. I know He is bigger than anything that happens on Earth. This life is not everything, there is more, there is a greater purpose for all of this! So if you're struggling with anything right now, saying I don't know, or just wondering why God, why? Then maybe you can find some comfort here too!

2 comments:

Susan Hartman said...

Darci your a inspiration to me and I know to others. Your a very special young lady. I feel your hurt and I pray for you. Please, please know I care and God will see you you thru the darkest of nights, his light will appear, because your one of his candles.

Susan Hartman said...

Darci your a inspiration to me and I know to others. Your a very special young lady. I feel your hurt and I pray for you. Please, please know I care and God will see you you thru the darkest of nights, his light will appear, because your one of his candles.