Senior Year

This morning I dropped Autumn off for the first day of her senior year of high school. And of course being who I am that got me thinking back to 2006 when I was starting my senior year. They often tell you that high school is the best time of your life. Well I would disagree immensely. I remember by senior year I was quite ready to be done with all the drama and stress. This is probably because my junior year was full of just that so going back senior year was not exactly what I wanted. There was a large shift in the group of friends that I hung out with at the end of junior year so I entered senior year with a lot anxiety. The rest of senior year is quite a blur, and Facebook isn't a lot of help, since I didn't get Facebook until sometime my senior.... WHAT, NO FACEBOOK?

Things I do remember!
Best Friend: Becca Wise
Boyfriend: Tim Miller
Theatre: Little Shop of Horrors, The Crucible, MASH
Wanted to Be: A Child Psychologist and a youth group leader

I put on a lot of weight my senior year. (if only I could go back and tell myself to be careful about how much pop I was drinking)

I drove my brother and I to school every day.

I took one class at the college first thing in the mornings, and loved it. I felt like I had so much freedom and felt so cool to be in college but still in high school.

I gave blood for the first time and it was a horrible experience.

I spent a lot of time with Mr. Hosch that year, he was our theatre director and very much our friend.

I remember being crushed not getting casted for The Crucible, and feeling so honored to be asked to be the Student Director for MASH. I hated Little Shop of Horrors.

After Prom was way more fun than the actual Prom.

Youth Group was a priority and my parents were the leaders.

I met Autumn and that is where our journey began. It seems crazy just how much high school is a distant memory.

I still love theatre. I keep in touch with my high school buddies on Facebook, but I don't really spend time with any of them.Youth group is not just my priority but my life. And the only person that is really still in my life other than my family is Autumn.

Oh that Letter Jacket I loved so much! This was Senior Night at a Football game

Our annual New Year's Eve Party. We are all showing off our cell phones. For some of us they were quite new, and super cool because they flipped open! This picture made me laugh today. These were my closest friends.

Colby, Tim, Joseph, Myself, Anna, & Becca

Daric and I after The Crucible. We were so much bigger then!!! :S

The family Christmas photo. I started straightening my bangs around this time.

High School Football Games, we always packed the stands!

These two are with Becca. We spent a lot of time together that year!

Even our prom dresses were similar in color

Mr. Hosch! Now Reverend Hosch!

Amanda and I doing the acolyte thing on Graduation Sunday.

Hosch with all of his Student Directors from the year!

After Prom...motorized toilets.....need I say more?

Another picture with Becca from MASH

And then there is Autumn! Look how little she is!

      

I can't do a first day of Kindergarten or anything like that but I can do when I met her to now.

 I love you Autumn Louise! I pray your senior year is full of great memories. I pray you find things that you love this year that you will still be talking about 9 years from now. I won't lie and tell you these will be the best years of your life, but I pray this is your best year of High School. I pray you find the goofy silly group of friends that you will want to do everything with! I pray you find more of yourself this year. 

Senior year! We have made it! From mine to yours and our journey continues on! From the Class of 2007 to 2016. From Bulldogs to Swathers, purple & gold to black and red. It's here and it's going to be grand!

Music Speaks

I have always loved how music speaks to me. I'm not musically talented but lyrics sure are close to my heart.

A little over a month ago, I picked my 17 year old little sister up and brought her home to live with me, knowing at that time that Adam and I were the best option for her to start adult life on a positive note. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but you're never fully prepared to be a parent no matter the age of the child.

As we drove home, and all my fears were flooding my mind, she was playing on her phone, and I already had a glimpse of what we were getting into. I remember thinking, "Are you sure God? Am I really doing what you want us to do?"

This song came on the radio.

Do Something by Matthew West

I've always loved this song but I've never had it yell at my like it did that day. Now when I hear it on the radio it is the reassurance I need in those moments that we really are on the right track.

Well as we have ventured into normal day to day life...whatever that means. I can honestly say this is rough. Good foster parents must saints. To take a kid in at 17 and try to give them some glimpse of a normal life or at least a functioning one....whew!

Well there have been many moments in the past few weeks where it has been a battle of emotions between a 17 year old female who can't see why and a pregnant adult who cares. My poor husband just rides the ride and tries to humor us back to some sense of normalcy.

Well we had one of these moments the other day, that was particularly hard on this pregnant momma. I was at one of those moments asking myself if maybe I should just care a little less. Knowing full well that is not even a possibility for me. And we were in the car driving home and this song came on.

All of Me - Matt Hammitt

I fell in love with this song awhile back but I was listening to it with my husband in mind. This time I heard it with that stubborn, beautiful, blonde young lady in my mind. Granted she was sitting right behind me in the car. And I lost it yet again, but this time in more of a sense of surrender. Surrender to this God ordained event that is happening in my life. We will continue to work through this, cherish the good moments and push through the bad. Because I know in my heart that this is what God has called Adam and I to. This moment, this place, this opportunity. We are on an uphill journey. I will have to remind myself, she isn't me, she hasn't spent the last 17 years with strict, Christian parents guiding her decisions. She isn't the 8 year old girl that I picked up 9 years ago to go out for ice cream, she isn't the 11 year old girl I took to make Build-a-Bears for our 3rd anniversary, she isn't even the 17 year old girl I woke up in that smelly room on that couch, that I brought home with me the first day. She is changing continually and often against her own will. God is working in her in mighty ways and for this to work she has to have all of me. My job is to keep the sadness from stealing her away. So we push through the daily drudge with the dream of a High School Diploma and open doors to a future that is bright and beautiful!

I am forever grateful for the music that speaks to me in ways no one else can!

Dear Baby (Letter #2)

Dear Baby,
  Today we get see you. It has been quite awhile. Last week I got to hear you and I am starting to be able to feel you, but today we get to see you. Daddy and I are so excited, we can barely even talk about it. Oh sweet child of mine, I hate to admit but I'm nervous today. Daddy didn't really understand why, but I'm sure since you can feel whatever I'm feeling you know. I don't care if you are Aram or Adah, I just want you to be healthy. Last time we saw you, you were just a little blob, and you moved for us which created so much excitement and joy in our hearts. Last time we got to see you, we weren't sure you were still there. I know you're there, I can feel you, but I'm still nervous. Your momma is a bit of a worrier and she may watch too many medical shows. So today in the midst of the excitement of getting to see you, I'm definitely praying that you have 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 arms, 2 legs, and all the rest of the beautiful parts you need to be you. Nothing extra, nothing abnormal, just our beautiful little Gameboy sized bundle of joy. I find peace today knowing that God knows you. God already knows you as well as He knows me. No matter what, you are a beautiful child of  God, created for a purpose. Even if you have 3 arms and 12 toes you were created for a purpose. You have already taught me so much about faith, patience, love, endurance, and joy. You're not even here yet but your divine purpose is already shining through you. Even the names we have chosen for you have special meaning we fully believe that you are beautiful (Adah) and will shine like an ornament for God, you are also high and exalted (Aram) because you will be called to great things in your lifetime. You are loved by so many people, there are so many people already praying for you and who you will become. Writing to you has calmed my nerves, today we get to see you, and soon, oh so very soon, you will be in our arms. You are beautiful and exalted, the rest is just physical, God knows what He is doing!

I can't wait to see you!

Love,
Mommy

The Tides of Change

For someone who isn't a huge fan of change I seem to be doing a whole lot of it at once.

My daily Timehop reminds me that a year ago I was knee deep in wedding planning, and a year before that still trying to figure out how to do my job, and a year before that I was in the process of moving to Hesston.

Sunday marked 6 months until our little one is due and last week marked 7 months of marriage. In two weeks Ranger will be a year old. And on Monday, Adam and I welcomed a 17 year old girl into our home to live until at least her graduation in May.

Typing it all out makes my exhaustion this morning a whole lot more understandable. We're newlyweds in a new to us house, Adam has a new job, and we are months away from a new baby, and now there is a new soul living under our roof.

Some of you may be thinking, Holy Cow this chick is crazy. Well sometimes I feel that way. But I feel like I want to share this story because it might seem crazy but there has definitely been a lot of prayer and thought put into it.

In August of 2006, I was 17 years old and starting my senior year of high school. There was already a pretty solid call onto my life to do some form of ministry. I didn't know back then that you could do youth ministry full time so I had lots of different plans in my mind, but I knew I wanted to help children and share my love for God. But I didn't want to wait until I was older, I knew there was something I could do right then.

So I signed up with Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Cowley County. I looked through some papers and picked one that I hoped would be a good match. I signed the form and agreed to seeing her one hour a week for 6 months. Much to my surprise this girl who looked like me, stole my heart, the heart of my entire family, and in two months from yesterday we will celebrate our 9 year anniversary.

6 months, that's all I agreed to, and here I am 6 months from bringing my own child into the world and that beautiful blonde girl that I took out for so many ice cream dates is living in my home.

Being her big sister was the hardest thing I had to do as a 17 year old. But her life is completely the opposite and for the last month and a half her life was better being on the run than in the group home she had been placed in. So after a long conversation with my husband, many tears and phone calls, and oh so many prayers. We signed the paperwork, we went  through the steps and brought her home. Where now I can worry about her in my own house. She will have the opportunity to have a real senior year of high school. She will play sports, play in the band, go to church, do her homework, have a part time job, and hopefully enter adulthood with half a chance to stand on her own two feet and make something of herself.

She has always wanted to live with me and for first time we actually were her best option for a good life. So today as I sit in my office wondering why I can't focus on planning the two camps, and one speaking engagement that will consume the next three weeks of my life, it became apparent to me that I had to write this.

I know so many people are going to question this decision that we have made and will ask if we have thought this through. I mean we have a baby on the way. I can guarantee you that thinking things through is never something I under do. It often drives my husband crazy just how much I think something through. This decision really came down to the fact that we were capable of giving this child of God the best possible opportunity she had to be successful in this life. And being who I am, I cannot walk away from something that is so apparently God knocking on my heart. Jesus told his disciples to feed his sheep. That's what we're doing.

So if you are on the negative side of this decision I don't want to hear it. God is guiding this and we have put this in His hands. Every young person deserves a chance to be loved, nurtured, guided, and to be young. I had all of that and it isn't like this girl walked in off the streets into our lives. She has been in my life longer than my husband. She is my longest relationship. We appreciate all of your prayers and your support as we enter parenthood six months early with a teenager! Thank you!

Hearing the Heartbeat

Yesterday I had my first OB appointment. I guess I should have done some asking or reading about it because from what I had been told this was just an appointment where they did lab work and an exam but nothing exciting. So when Adam asked if he needed to be there I told him no. I didn't figure blood work and peeing in a cup were worth him taking time off work.

Then the doctor brought in the Doppler machine and said lets see if we can find the heartbeat. Instantly I felt like the worst wife ever. I had no idea they did this at these appointments, and Adam wasn't there. I almost didn't have her do it just because he wasn't there but with all the craziness we have had a chance to be reassured that we still have a healthy baby growing seemed like something I couldn't pass up. I should have asked for my phone so I could record it but I wasn't thinking all of that through at the moment.

It took her awhile but she found it. That beautiful fast paced heartbeat. That had to be one of the best sounds I have ever heard, especially with the stress of things and how icky I have been feeling. It was like oh yeah I'm not just sick, I'M PREGNANT! The sonograms are amazing but this early they have to tell you exactly which blob is the baby and point it out, but that sound was so distinctly different that it was obviously the baby.

When Adam got home he was quite pouty for awhile. I found a video on YouTube that sounded just like it and he wouldn't listen to it because it wasn't our baby. :(

So exciting news! I heard the heartbeat! Sad news, Adam didn't!


The best news, we have a healthy heartbeat which means a healthy baby! Hopefully Adam will be able to go next time....or maybe I can record it for him.

Preggie Pop Drops

People keep asking me how I'm feeling and the truth is that most of the time these days the answer is nauseous. I haven't actually gotten sick yet but I sure have been close a few times. I definitely am waivered these days by smells, tastes, being hungry, being awake, lol just about anything.

I found these amazing pieces of hard candy that have been a miracle for me.

Crackers, pickles, and all the other things that women have told me that helped them are nothing in comparison with these babies!

The picture is now a link to buy them on Amazon if you or someone you know needs some.

They're all natural, and drug free. Which is why I decided to give them a try. They are a little sour which is part of what helps I think, and they have essential oils in them.

They're definitely currently my favorite invention right now! :)

Heartbeat

Well that was one long weekend. I don't remember praying for patience but we sure got a big dose of it this holiday weekend.

We got the call this morning that my HCG levels had gone up but not doubled like they were supposed to so we still weren't sure what that meant. We just had our second sonogram and we saw the heartbeat and the baby move, and it's definitely bigger than last time.

The doctor should call tomorrow and tell us what she sees but there was a whole lot of relief when that baby moved and the heartbeat was was beautiful!

Thank you to everyone who has been praying, your words were felt and kept us going through the wait.

Thank you!