We live in a world of sin and imperfection. I am a child of God striving each day to live out my calling. Welcome to my blog where you get the inside scoop of this Child of God's life!
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." - 1 Timothy 4:12
Well my goal to write each day for lent was squandered Sunday morning. One could attest that Sunday's don't count during lent, but my streak was broken with another round of stomach illness. This was unlike any I have experienced and at 7am Sunday morning I cried from the bathroom for my husband to call my parents. My entire abdomen was on fire and had been for over an hour.
If you know me, you know that I hate going to the dr, I will be the first to drive you there, but if it isn't broken, there is no blood and I can still see straight I will probably find a reason not to go. A week ago I went to urgent care for the first time ever for myself. I had a viral stomach thing and 24 hours later I was back to normal. Adah had battled something similar for about two weeks and then Adam fought it too.
We had a normal week and even went to a bday bowling party. But about bedtime the symptoms came rushing back. I found myself ill an hour away from home. When my stomach settled, something in me said we had to go home, staying would be really bad. So I broke Adah's heart and ended our sleepover. She slept the whole way home and I drove and prayed. I just needed to make it back to my house. About Winfield the nauseous feeling and all illness left, we made it home and I transferred Adah to her bed and settled in with a show and my own bed.
About 2am it all began again but this time it came with a firey vengeance. I was able to get a little bit of sleep as long as I stayed curled in a ball, but the moment I would stretch out the pain, fire, and symptoms all returned. Each time was worse than the one before. By 7, I was barely able to stand and could not help but to cry. So my parents came and assured me this was the correct time to go to the ER. Thankfully it wasn't too busy and I got right in.
They gave me a GI Cocktail which numbed everything and took care of the burning and eventually I was able to not stay curled in a ball.
They diagnosed a combo of Gastroenteritis & Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. And sent me home to rest with a couple new prescriptions.
Today, I have slept most of it. Eaten some, everything I have swallowed today feels like it is stuck in my chest. Thankfully no fire and no real pain.
So if in doubt, call your mom! She'll reassure your thought that you need to go to the ER! Thanks Mom!
Today was a fun family day. We celebrated my neice's birthday with a bowling party. This was so much fun. Adah had never been bowling, she didn't even know what it was. She managed to the slowest ball ever! And two kids lane hopped their balls. It was quite humorous and the kids had a blast! And I brought home a sleeping 4 year old exhausted from all the fun!
Today's song is a special one! It is pretty popular on Christian radio and every time it comes on, Adah begs me to turn it up, and she sings along. Today she even wanted it on repeat. This song is musically interesting and bone chilling, then the vocals come in and bam, you can't focus on anything else. This is the kind of song that I can't help but listen to over and over and I want to share with the world. I am loving that for this particular one Adah agrees and we must turn it up!
"This is where my peace comes from Immovable One, unshakeable God There's freedom where I place my trust"
These words got me this morning. This is so where my heart has been this year. I feel like my spiritual roots are expanding drastically. My prayer is to always be able to rejoice and to have an unshakable faith, because I have an unshakable God!
Today, I had a lot of time to listen to music. I had a couple if much needed soul meeting in Wichita and spent my day drinking coffee, discussing Jesus, the world, parenting, being married, and the season of Lent.
This was much needed for my soul, I didn't even realize it. I am feeling convicted this Lent season like I have never been before. I have spent a lot of time the past couple of years working on my whole self. Spiritual and physical growth have been major for me! Recently I have dove into finances and find myself today convicted in my home life! This season I am working on being a better mother and wife. Patience and Grace seem to have ran away from our humble abode and it is time to reestablish them.
This season I want to put to rest my need to yell. I want to approach my house like I do everything else in my life, as a calling and with Grace. Tonight this came to a test during shower time. Adah was bound and determined not to take one. And tonight I can say that I didn't cave and I didn't yell. And over all it feels better, and even though she had tears, I am going to bed tonight not focused on how crappy this situation made me feel but instead on the positives of the night!
So tonight my song is Kingdom Come and my prayer is that my house will look more and more like God's kingdom during this Lenten season!
Thanks Erica for the awesome new mug!
***Adah's lent: I am asking her each day what she wants to thank God for, what was her favorite thing that day!
Day 1: being able to talk!
Day 2: for Nicole's foster daughter being in our life and her upcoming birthday!
This Ash Wednesday has me pondering the best ways for me to spend my time and energy this Lenten season. I have always looked to this season for discipline, reconnection, and rekindling of the flame within.
Today this song came on my Spotify, and it seemed like the perfect mantra for me during this time. It isn't about the things I can give up or the sacrifices I can make, but how my heart beats for Christ. So one of the ways I am focusing this season is to write and listen to music. This has always been a connection point for me and in the chaos of motherhood it has dwindled.
For Grandma's Service: December 13, 2019
Grandma Jo! What do you even say about the person who ignited a wildfire, not only in my soul but so many others? She will never know just how much of a blessing it was for me to grow up in the pew next to her. In these walls (St. Paul UMC) she was so much more than MY Grandma Jo, she was everyone's. Each Sunday she would take all of the children upstairs, gifting their parents a sermon free from parenting stress. The children were gifted so much more. For years that spanned more than I knew, Grandma was teaching the young people in this church how to be the church, know the Jesus, know scripture, and how to love like Jesus.
When I was my daughter's age. I couldn't wait to be big like my cousins so I could sit in those little pews. Once I got there, a fire started in my soul. To this day I crave to learn more, memorize more, sing louder, and care deeper. Club cracker & apple juice communion will always be sacred to me. Lighting the advent candles, songs with actions, memorizing verses, sharing joys & concerns, singing Go Tell it On the Mountain, not running in the church, and definitely NEVER wearing a hat in the building were all just the surface of what she taught us in those pews. I took those lessons and tucked them deep inside and that flame fueled a life in ministry for me and a life of loving and serving deeply for all of us.
Grandma like to give worry stones to people. A small rock with a cross that you can hold and rub while you say a prayer. Her life was never easy, but we never saw her worry, instead she prayed. Rocks are mentioned several times in the Bible. And like Peter was the rock the church was built on. Grandma was the rock this family was built on. And she made sure we knew that Christ was the only rock on which we would stand.
Matthew 7:24-25 "Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the flood waters rise and the winds beat against the house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock."
There are worry stones for each of you to take with you as you leave today. We hope they bring you peace and comfort like Grandma's hugs and remind you to turn to the rock eternal today, and everyday!
December 19, 2019
Grandma has been gone for a whole week. It has been the little things that have stopped me in my tracks the most. To think about the legacy this woman left is overwhelming. She is in everything, everywhere I go. Every part of my day has a piece of her in it. From the cross around my neck, the rock in my pocket, the plants in the office, the puzzle picture on the wall, to driving by her building, sharing her middle name, to the tears in my daughters eyes.
This morning out of no where on the way to town, Adah started crying. This has happened a lot in the past week. When I asked her what was wrong she said, "I miss Grandma! Why did she have to died?" I responded, "I miss her too, it was her turn to be called to Heaven to live with Jesus, remember she is happy now, she isn't in pain or sick anymore." Adah said "I know, but I can't hug her anymore. I have never been to Heaven." Through tears I said, "I know sweetheart, her hugs were the best, and we can't visit Heaven it doesn't work like that. Just remember she is with Jesus and Grandpa and she so very happy now!" "Look mom, an airplane!" And just like that we moved on to the excitement of airplanes in the sky, Baby Jesus in front of someone's house, and driving over the train tracks. She has moved on with her day at daycare and I was left stuck in the tears of loss. So, emotionally wounded I sit at my desk, inspired to finally write down my feelings, while listening to Casting Crowns and remembering all the good things.
Grandma Jo has left the most incredible legacy behind. She had 5 children, 15 grandchildren, and 19 great grandchildren. This doesn't include the spouses and all of the extras who are as much family as those who share her DNA. She instilled in all of us hard work, stubbornness, and loving and serving people. She loved Jesus with every ounce of who she was, even on her last night she was studying His word. Her knowledge and love that she shared so freely with us came from her own desire to know and love Him more. She was always interested in what I was learning in college, and then when I moved on to full time ministry she wanted to know what I was teaching. She made the trip to watch the first Christmas Program I led, and I was so humbled trying to fill her shoes. I used her creepy Baby Jesus, and was offended when my youth called it that! Grandma went with me to college, to camp, to Hesston, to Derby, and back to camp. This week I have wanted nothing more than to wear her Moomoo, eat waffles, play farkel, and give her a hug.
Instead I find myself marveling at how much she resembled her name sake in the Bible, Naomi. A widow at a young age, with a rough rode ahead of her, she could have stayed in a world of bitterness, and allowed the world to know her as Mara, but instead she focused on love and raised her five children, worked harder than anyone I know to make sure they never needed anything. She loved each one of her grandchildren as if they were the only one. We each have our own stories of her and they are all so beautiful. She was the most blessed great grandma as she welcomed each one into the family and loved them fiercely. These past few years have been really hard on her health, she battled leukemia and won and a lot people in her life didn't even know, because she didn't dwell on it. Her stubbornness carried her through a house fire, broken arm, and a UTI all this year. And then when she was feeling better than she had in a long time, sound mind, and content heart, she went to sleep in this life and woke up in the life eternal. She finally celebrated an anniversary with Grandpa after 42 years apart. And I imagine her in awe of the God of all her days as she is surrounded by perfect peace.
I know I will continue to be stopped in my tracks, the tears will fall, and my almost four year old will continue to ask why she can't have a Grandma Jo hug, but I can't stay here in this grief. Because I am a part of her legacy. I am part of what she left behind. And her dream for all of us was to love and know her Jesus. She wanted us to be on fire for him, serve him, turn to him, and most importantly know him like she did.
He is the God of all My Days, and I want the world to know me like they knew her, for Loving My Jesus!
We love you and miss you Grandma! Thank you for making us your legacy! <3
We are the laborers in your vineyard, declaring the Word of the Lord. This is a line from one of our beloved camp songs. Tonight as we wrapped up our summer with dinner, awards, and worship this line struck me. Our 21 counselors belted this with all they had, before saying goodbye and heading down from this mountain top. This summer I was blessed to tend to this flock as they poured their hearts and souls into campers for nine weeks. Nine weeks, 1241 kids, countless moments sharing God's love. These college students could have chosen to do anything with their summer. They chose to go into the Lord's vineyard and work to plant seeds, bear fruit, prune vines, & prepare for the harvest.
In May when they got here they were twenty one individuals from twelve different campuses, tonight they are the family that is the Horizon Staff of 2019. They have lived together, fought together, served together, loved together, changed together, & grown together.
When you give up yourself & your summer to come to church camp you can't help but walk away changed. The lives you come into connection with, the hearts you watch change, the walls that crumble, the faces, the memories, the moments, they stay with you forever. This group came together like none I have seen before. They were instantly friends, they played long and hard together, and they tackled each day as if it were the only one they got. I watched them grown, break, and rebuild this summer, individually and together.
This summer was so much more than water balloons, messy games, hikes, dance parties, and Chaco tans. This summer was about the campers, which in turn made this summer about the counselors. In doing the good, hard work which is summer camp, they did the good, hard work which is personal and spiritual growth.
Lord, thank you for bringing this group together. Thank you for providing this space and time for this group to come together and serve you. Lord, please hold each one of them tight as they leave this sacred place. Help them to know you and serve you each and every day. Make your path known to them so they can live into your call for their lives. Remind them daily that they are loved, cherished, chosen, and here for a purpose! Amen!
This summer we were "Broken Vessels" that "Just Want(ed) to be a Sheep." We remembered "The Days of Elijah" and the day that "Death Was Arrested." Lord, you became the "King of My Heart" and "My Lighthouse." "Come Now is the Time to Worship" as we breathe the "Holy Spirit" and remember we are "Who You say I am." "This is Amazing Grace" please "Build Your Kingdom Here"
