Might Be a Miscarriage

If you can't tell from the title this is where I'm sitting today. In the world of "might be a Miscarriage" but we don't know for sure. It's early and blood sometimes can just be blood. But when the doctor isn't very positive it's hard to be. And maybe if I felt good it would be different but yesterday was an easy day. I thought I was just having the worst sickness day yet but when we got home last night the sight of blood kind of knocked me over but this first time there has been blood and last time everything was fine. But we have to wait for blood test results and even a sonogram won't tell everything so we're waiting to do that too.

When we found out we we're pregnant a few weeks ago we decided we weren't going to tell the world until after the first trimester, but waiting is hard and after we saw that sonogram with the heartbeat we couldn't really hold it in anymore.

But as much fun as it is rejoicing with everyone, it is so much more important to have all those prayer warriors on our side when something doesn't go right. And right now something isn't right. And you can't pray for us if you don't know something is going on. So this long weekend we are living in a world of the unknown. A scary emotional world. But God is here, I can feel him.

So please if you're reading this pray for us and that however this turns out we won't lose sight of God and his presence. And if this is a Miscarriage that we will have the strength in this marriage to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. And if there still is a baby that we will make it through this healthy and safe.

Thank you, oh and keep the comments and thoughts to the minimal please I'm already emotional, sorries and advice aren't really what I'm after. Just prayers. Thanks.

Food and Pregnancy

So I know cravings are generally a thing during pregnancy and so are foods that you generally love making you nauseous. So I thought I would keep a list of both for this pregnancy and see how it goes.


Foods I love but now they make me nauseous:
1. Dr. Pepper
2. Special K Breakfast Sandwiches
3. Milk
4. Leftover Pork from Mother's Day
5. Italian Herb & Cheese Bread from Subway
6. Meat (all meat, any meat, the sight of meat, the smell of meat, the thought of meat) :(



Cravings:
1. Salad, French Fries, and Pretzel sticks from Applebees (all of this as one meal)

A Year of Change!

Do you ever sit back and marvel at how much your life has changed in a year? I mean most of us do this sort of thing at the beginning of a new year, but do you ever do it randomly in the middle of the year?

Well this past year has been a year of complete change. Most of the time we get excited when we have ONE big life change in a year but several????? Whew sometimes that just seems crazy.

Well the reason this comes to mind today is that tomorrow will be one year since Adam proposed. So a year ago today, I was still praying for a ring!

In the past year!

May 14th - Adam proposed as we closed out the school year with our youth! It was incredibly magical and I couldn't have asked for it to be done any other way. You can read the whole story here.

We took engagement pictures in June (I think)

Photo Credit to On the Wall Photography

The summer was filled with Camp and Wedding Planning.

August 31st - I fell in love with a dog. Me, a dog, for real! This was the date we adopted Ranger. And today he is 10 months old! He stole my heart in a really big way.

The day we brought him home!

Ranger, about 2 weeks ago! He's so big!

November 22, We said I Do! It was beautiful

Then we started life together. By started I mean continued and even more so than before. Our first few months of marriage were intense and not always in a good way. But then things started to change again!

April 1st, we moved into a new house (our dream house!)

Ok we love all of this house. But check out the fridge & freezer. If we ever have to move I think I will miss these the most!

April 15th, Adam got a new job!

Praise the LORD!!! We have seen the light. :) Things are all smiles now!

Which is good since 

April 27th, 

We found out right at 5 weeks.

We told our parents on Mother's Day. It was so much fun surprising them.

Adam's mom's reaction!

My mom's reaction!

Then we had our first sonogram appointment yesterday and got to see the heartbeat. 

Our little Blueberry sized 7 week baby! :)

Then we decided Ranger could make the announcement!

Mommy and Daddy are getting me a human!

So ready or not the changes just keep coming. And of course they always will. It is exciting and scary. But I don't think I have ever felt this blessed. All of this and each day I am employed to do ministry. 

Thank you to everyone who has made this past year possible, these changes exciting and meaningful, and for just being here on this ride called life with our little expanding family! :)

One Happy Momma to be!

Norwex: Cleaning in a Whole New Way

This is a judgement free zone right? Ok good. Well I hate cleaning, if you know me very well you know this. I mean color coding and alphabetizing is fun but cleaning the kitchen after cooking.....No bueno. Vacuums....I have one somewhere.....as much as I hate cleaning I hate messes more. And messes slowly start to bug me until I can't handle it any more and I just clean it all.

Well I was recently was introduced to Norwex. And now I hate cleaning less, because now it's easier and chemical free.

Well I went to my second Norwex party tonight and the consultant showed a picture where she cleaned her cloth mini blinds with Norwex. So I couldn't wait to get home because the mini blinds in my bathroom are disgusting and they're the plastic ones. I'm not sure what sticky mess splattered these but they always gross me out. Norwex.....is my new favorite thing!

Check out these before and after pics!

Living On a Prayer

I am a practical person. I love check lists and calendars and alphabetizing is fun. Sale racks are the only racks I look at, coupons are amazing, and money in the check book is a necessity. I love order, structure, and a good deal.

I am also a person Faith. I believe that God will always provide. And there are often times that my order and structure and need for practicality get in the way of my Faith. It's a difficult balance in a world where things have to be done a certain way and bills have to be paid. And there seem to be so many times that God is silent in the midst of our stress and chaos.

So when my practical mind collides with my soul of Faith then my heart is incredibly torn. But there is nothing more powerful then having no choice but to live on a prayer.

If you can't tell, I recently had no choice but to live on a prayer. So here it is. My amazing husband had a job, a decent paying job, that was casting a darkness on our lives. It was causing more pain and destruction than the paycheck was worth. We battled for months against the will to quit while applying for jobs and getting no response. Through many tears and prayers we felt many times like God was not listening and there was no hope. But being who I am and doing what I do I know deep down in my soul that it's not true because God is always there. So the battle within my soul was intense.

I was living in a newly wed situation of chaos. Trying to balance doing things the way I've always done, just the way my parents voices in my head were telling me to and caring for my husband, his soul, and our marriage. Normally these things line up but not in the midst of this time.

Well we took a break from normal life and went with some awesome youth on a mission trip to Arkansas with two other churches in the area. This was an incredible trip, we met some amazing people. One of these amazing persons was the second adult sponsor from Hillsboro. Somehow we got to talking one day about his job. And he smiled and talked about the co-op that he worked at. I've never met someone who works at a co-op and smiles when talking about it. After taking to him I told Adam he needed to talk to him. By the time we were headed home, I knew Adam needed to apply to work there. But they didn't have any openings at the time.

When we got home from the trip the real world hit like a brick. I knew that night that if I truly loved my husband and my marriage I had to put my practicality aside and put it all in God's hands fully. So in a complete act of Faith and desperation, I agreed to let Adam put in his three week notice at work starting on my birthday. That week we filled out 30+ applications to absolutely every job he was remotely qualified for in the area. Including the Hillsboro co-op.

During this time fear, doubt, stress, and all these negative emotions from the king of destruction fought for my heart. I spent a lot of time in prayer just pushing these feelings aside. About once a day they would hit in a waterfall of tears and helplessness would take over. But every single time something beautiful and Godly would enter in to pull me back into prayer and my Faith. We had the whole church praying, which was comforting until someone would ask about it and then the tears would be on the edge of falling.

These were three of the longest and fastest weeks of my life. In the midst of this we moved into a house (totally against my better practical judgment), we had Easter, and life went on. Adam also got an interview at Hillsboro, but then it took awhile to hear back from them. Then the day showed up, the last day of work, and I made it through with lots and lots of prayer. A week ago Adam left the house for his last shift, and his last night away from me. Then the next couple of days it felt like we were living in the eye of a storm because if Hillsboro didn't call soon we were totally out of luck.

Wednesday morning I went to Bible study with a heavy soul that was still hopeful, but I could tell I was getting close to giving up. My whole world is situated around my relationship with God, and the last thing I wanted at this time in my life was to be angry with God.

So pray, pray, pray, it was literally the only thing I could do. Three days of darkness....Then Easter came in full glory. Adam called, he starts on Monday. And my husband with no experience in this field will be leading in some way and has a starting wage that will pay the bills and provide for us in a beautiful way.

My soul soared. And for the first time in months the waterfall of tears was a beautiful thing. God provided, there is absolutely nothing about this situation that wasn't God. The happiness in my soul is greater than that on my wedding day.

To live on a prayer is a painful and beautiful thing. It was the worst and most amazing experience of my life.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Cinderella

On Saturday I had the pleasure of going to see the new movie Cinderella. I honestly have never really been a fan of Cinderella. It probably scared me as a child, like most Disney movies, and I just never learned to appreciate it. Honestly I have never been a fan of Disney Princesses. My favorite Disney movies have always been The Lion King & Mulan. I never liked the idea that I needed a prince in my life to make my story complete. I still don't. I absolutely hate the Ariel gives up her voice in order to be with her prince.

I teach and often preach about how girls need to be independent and not dependent on a man in their lives but fully dependent on the King of Kings who died for them. I believe when we are ready God places the opportunity in our lives for us to fall in love completely and enter into a life long commitment with that "Prince Charming" of our dreams.

So back to Cinderella. This beautiful young maiden whose life completely falls apart when after losing her mother, her father marries again and then he too passes away. The jealous step-mother can't stand her so treats her as a servant. And out of loyalty to the family home she chooses to stay and push through the pain this woman causes her.

On her dying bed her mother told her to always remember to have courage and be kind. Ella took these words to heart and let them drive her life. Most people would have given up but she pushed on until her breaking point when her step mother destroyed her dress, which had been her mother's, and her chance to see her friend again at the ball.

Now I don't believe in Fairy Godmother's but I do believe in the Holy Spirit who is our ever-present help in times of trouble. So adding a little personality to that idea and some sparkle is always fun to watch. Ella rediscovered her love for courage and kindness and got to go to the ball. There she ran into her friend Kitt whom she had met previously in the woods only to discover he was the Prince everyone else was trying to impress. They danced and talked then she ran away so he wouldn't see her turn back into the normal maiden she was before.

As we know the story continues into a search throughout the kingdom for the beautiful princess who wore the glass slippers. Ella, was trapped in the attic and had no idea the prince was in her home. But good wins out in the end and Ella gets to slip on her glass slipper again, and wins the Prince's heart. When she walks up to him she said, I'm not a princess, this is who I am if the shoe fits will you be willing to take me as I am? He said most definitely. And then they lived happily ever after.

Will you take me just as I am? How beautiful of a statement is that? The prince has seen her at her finest and now at her worst, and yet he is willing to take her covered in soot and ashes just as much as he was willing in her sparkle and jewels. This is the kind of love and "Prince Charming" we should all be looking for. We shouldn't have to change who we are to attract the attention of man. Ella had Kitt's attention from the very beginning when she begged him not to shoot the stag in the woods.

Ladies, you do not have to change for a man. And Disney...thank you for giving our young ladies some examples of strong girls to look up to.

Cinderella, Elsa & Anna, Mulan, Nala (yeah I know she is a lion but still she is fierce), Merida (Brave), and Belle.

Have courage and be kind! Don't change who you are for anyone, the right guy will take you just as you are!

The Word of God for the People of God

Thanks be to God!

A year or so ago I started texting my high school youth each morning I'm in the office a scripture. I was way better at remembering to do it then but I still try to do it every day, and sometimes they get it really late in the day. The youth have told me multiple times that whatever scripture I sent was exactly what they needed to hear.

When I started I would just randomly open the Bible and find something that seemed right and send that. This year I have been using this as my own devotion time as well. So I am currently reading through Proverbs, we finished Psalms last semester.

The way I go about it, is I start reading where we left off yesterday and then I read until a scripture is flagged in my mind that they need to hear that day. Sometimes it is something that a certain student comes to mind and I know I need to send it, sometimes it is just really good advice (most of Proverbs is) and sometimes it is something that I need to hear and can't get off my mind so I share it.

That is what today's scripture did, it was something I couldn't get off my mind even as I read past it.

"When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous seek refuge in God." - Proverbs 14:32

It is always fun to talk about calamity and death in the morning but there was just something about this little verse that I couldn't get my mind off of.

How do I react when calamity attacks my life? I would like to think that I react like the righteous and will seek refuge in God all the way to death. But if I am truly honest with myself I know that there are times that reaching out to God is closer to the last thing I do than the first. That is hard to admit since my life revolves around ministry, God, and scripture.

Sometimes though it seems easier to talk to someone who will text back or answer my phone call rather than say another prayer that I have to wait patiently to get a response. And sometimes it is easier to fall apart than to open the Bible and seek God's wisdom. And sometimes I can't see past the tears in my eyes or the sadness in my heart to look to where God is in the situation.

But why is that? Why am I willing to fall apart rather than run to the arms of my creator? Why am I willing to drown in my heartache rather than open the book that has the words my heart so desperately needs?

I don't really have answer I just know I'm feeling convicted today. 

Where do you find yourself turning when calamity rears its ugly head?